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QuinnIzdead66
3,151 M Seeking Light
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts53 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceAugust 19, 2020
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Trying to unpack why my relationship really ended
Relationship Stress / by QuinnIzdead66
Last post
 August 27th, 2020
...See more Hey. So I've been really struggling trying to unpack why my relationship actually ended. I (23) had a really rough start with my ex (25) girlfriend, I basically waited a year for her to actually date me. (She was only seeing me and I was only seeing her) she was just unsure. She wanted me to change a lot about myself due to religion but eventually we started dating and she started to accept me more. I had a really close friend through all this who had feelings for me but was respectful of my relationship. When I started dating my ex, I stopped hanging out with this friend because my gf was worried. My girlfriend and I were arguing a lot, and we never saw each other and I know now her request for me to not see my friend wasn't unreasonable but it felt controlling cause it was other girls too, and this person was a really close friend. Amidst all this I started to miss my friend and was getting mad my gf wanted me to cut people off but wouldn't hang out with me to fill that lonely void (Religious stuff again about being alone, no sex etc) and we didn't message much, I felt annoying when we talked. I started to feel like I had feelings for my friend because we were more compatible and I think it was just cause i missed them. This all eventually lead me to break up with my gf after 4 months of dating. She wanted to get married and that scared me cause we barely knew each other cause we could never hangout and then I had these feelings. I felt sort of relieved after, but also sad because she was the first girl to not cheat on me. After we broke up I hooked up with my friend a few times and admitted I liked her but wasn't ready to date again yet. After a few weeks of hanging out I cut her off, realizing I wasn't over my ex and needed to sort through that and I knew she wanted more than I could offer and I felt as if I was using her. I sorted out my feelings for a few months and realized I wanted my ex back so I told her I missed her and when she found out about the hookups she was angry so I left her alone for a while. I tried again a few months later and she was more open so I waited. Fast forward she knows I thought I had feelinga for my friend and hooked up she has forgiven me. I feel like we broke up and were fighting because of my friend more than because of our issues. I dont know if I left my gf for the right reasons and I feel guilty even if I've spent a year trying to make it up to her. I'm afraid I left her for my friend rather than because we weren't working maybe im overthinking. Advice please:(
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Am I a bad person ? Holding guilt.
Relationship Stress / by QuinnIzdead66
Last post
 August 21st, 2020
...See more My girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago, partially due to a lot of differences in religious views, I felt very judged and we could never hang out alone and there wasnt much communication. I started to develop feelings for my bestfriend so I ended the relationship. I didn't exactly want to pursue a relationship with my friend instantly but foolishly I told them how I felt when I was single, and we hooked up a few times. I told her I wasnt ready for a relationship and still loved my ex, and quickly realized after a few hookups that I couldnt do that anymore because she had feelings for me and wanted more. We stopped hanging out and I sorted out my feelings, I realized I wanted to work on mysekf and fix things with my ex. We are back together thankfully and we have been much more communative, we have both improved a lot but here is my issue.. She knows I hooked up with this friend but not that I had feelings for her. Its been 6 months since that ended and I no longer speak to this friend. Should I have told her this or is what she knows enough? I feel guilty but I also dont want her to feel insecure because she has forgiven me for the hookup and wants to move forward - I dont want her to find out elsewhere, i also feel like I lied by not being as forthcoming.
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