Trying to unpack why my relationship really ended
Hey.
So I've been really struggling trying to unpack why my relationship actually ended.
I (23) had a really rough start with my ex (25) girlfriend, I basically waited a year for her to actually date me. (She was only seeing me and I was only seeing her) she was just unsure. She wanted me to change a lot about myself due to religion but eventually we started dating and she started to accept me more. I had a really close friend through all this who had feelings for me but was respectful of my relationship. When I started dating my ex, I stopped hanging out with this friend because my gf was worried.
My girlfriend and I were arguing a lot, and we never saw each other and I know now her request for me to not see my friend wasn't unreasonable but it felt controlling cause it was other girls too, and this person was a really close friend. Amidst all this I started to miss my friend and was getting mad my gf wanted me to cut people off but wouldn't hang out with me to fill that lonely void (Religious stuff again about being alone, no sex etc) and we didn't message much, I felt annoying when we talked. I started to feel like I had feelings for my friend because we were more compatible and I think it was just cause i missed them. This all eventually lead me to break up with my gf after 4 months of dating. She wanted to get married and that scared me cause we barely knew each other cause we could never hangout and then I had these feelings. I felt sort of relieved after, but also sad because she was the first girl to not cheat on me.
After we broke up I hooked up with my friend a few times and admitted I liked her but wasn't ready to date again yet. After a few weeks of hanging out I cut her off, realizing I wasn't over my ex and needed to sort through that and I knew she wanted more than I could offer and I felt as if I was using her. I sorted out my feelings for a few months and realized I wanted my ex back so I told her I missed her and when she found out about the hookups she was angry so I left her alone for a while. I tried again a few months later and she was more open so I waited.
Fast forward she knows I thought I had feelinga for my friend and hooked up she has forgiven me. I feel like we broke up and were fighting because of my friend more than because of our issues. I dont know if I left my gf for the right reasons and I feel guilty even if I've spent a year trying to make it up to her. I'm afraid I left her for my friend rather than because we weren't working maybe im overthinking.
Advice please:(
@QuinnIzdead66
Hey there! Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing to the Relationship and Friendship support forums.
I understand that you have been going through a lot of stress and confusion recently regarding your relationship and your friendship, and trying to decide which one you have intimate feelings for. This can be a very difficult situation and sometimes, it takes a lot of time and effort to figure out the end plan.
From experience, I believe the best thing to do to really find out if you have intimate feelings for your friend is to take the time to explore it! Express to both of them that you are confused right now and trying your best to figure out what you want to be happy. It might be frustrating on them but to make yourself happy, time will tell. Take your friend on a date possibly or somewhere that you feel may spark up those intimate feelings. I know right now it feels like a lot and you may feel as if you've made a mistake by breaking up your relationship you had but, I know you will soon find out exactly what you want and who.
Here's a link I found that may help you realize if you truly have intimate feelings for your friend:
https://www.bustle.com/p/are-you-in-love-with-your-best-friend-heres-how-to-know-for-sure-8300451
I wish you all the best and I hope I helped you navigate through your concerns and confusion. Please don't hesistate to direct message me if you would like to chat more.
https://www.7cups.com/@goldenFlower74
Good luck! :)