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Rackson
2 40,589 M Crossing Mileposts 1
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts1,934 Forum posts48 Forum upvotes63 Current upvotes63 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2026 Member sinceJuly 18, 2023
Bio

I miss you!

I guess it's time to be a superhero for myself and my future.


Recent forum posts
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Becoming okay with yourself on holidays
Depression Support / by Rackson
Last post
 13 hours ago
...See more Becoming okay with yourself on holidays (This is kind of a bummer post with a question at the end)  Preface: I am 19 years old, I am in community college, and I am neurodivergent. Tonight is Halloween night, a very fun and festive holiday where you dress up and do the whole Halloween thing. Tonight is also a sad night for me, as I am sitting alone in an apartment I cannot afford as my couple friends are all out partying with their other friends. Halloween is a big night for gen z, as it's always been a big deal to go do something with other people. Obviously, that hurts. It hurts to be alone, especially on a holiday. Tonight my parents called me from a party they are at to tell me they love me. I was on the verge of crying the entire phone call.  I knew Halloween was coming up. I knew this was the first year in a couple where I was going to be completely alone. I told myself and my friends that I am just not a big Halloween person, that this holiday doesn't really interest me. This was a lie, a lie I told myself and other people to make myself feel better for the incoming doom. All I've done so far tonight is play video games, and make a feeble attempt to do some light homework (which I have plenty of) Being this non-productive only adds to my sadness.  I didn't want to force my couple friends to invite me to their Halloween function, I didn't want to show them I was desperate. I also didn't want to risk weakening the ties I still have. I also didn't want to lean on my parents to make me feel better. I feel like I'm getting too old to run to them when I need my emotions fixed.  To feel better, I decided to listen to some sad music in the shower with the lights turned off. So I went into the bathroom to turn on the shower. As the shower heated, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked tired, sad. My mouth slacking downward to display my discontent. I hate how I look. I wondered how I could turn this night around. Maybe drive around and look for fun. Maybe go to bed. Maybe accept my loneliness. The words of self help books, past therapists, and motivational posters danced in my head.  "You can control your own world, you don't have to be sad!" "You are lazy and alone, you did this to yourself." "It doesn't do you any good to hold these negative feelings." What does it mean to grow up in these types of situations? That's the question I ended with. It's something I want to hear from you all. I'm sure a lot of you adults have experienced being alone when it seems everyone else is together. How do you all fix, or don't fix the situation? Thank you all for reading.
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Humbling ADHD experience
ADHD Support / by Rackson
Last post
 Thursday
...See more Kind of a downer post, my bad. I think one of the most humbling parts about transitioning into an adult with ADHD is the sharp realization that nobody cares. Nobody cares that your brain is working different than everyone else in the room. As a child, I had systems in place to help me with my ADHD, even when I didn't realize I needed the help. Looking back, I have much more respect for those systems than I ever did. All those people were trying to help me. Doctor's, parents, teachers.  But growing up, I take a new mindset. You must overcome, even with your disability.  Your boss doesnt care that you have ADHD. Your date doesn't care you forgot about your dinner plans. Your bank doesn't care you didn't respond to their important email.  Expectations shift as you mature, you are expected to do more, and more, and more. But I think that it only worsens for people with ADHD.  Most unmedicated adults with moderate ADHD are train wrecks. If you're reading this and you're not one, you're impressive. I think that's why medication is so important when you are an adult, you can get away with your unmedicated actions as a child, but not as an adult. It depresses me. It does. I guess the sharp realization that the world hurts isn't for everyone.  Sorry for the bummer post, this is how I feel.
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Everyone wants to be neurodivergent
ADHD Support / by Rackson
Last post
 December 26th, 2023
...See more This is something that has been on my mind for long long time now and that a fair amount of people might get mad at. Before I start, im trying my hardest to not gatekeep ADHD and neurodiversity, I believe that the more correct diagnosis are given, the better. I feel like so many people these days are looking for anyone to validate their self diagnosis of ADHD. On every adhd centered social area I have ever been in, the constant message is "Oh I took an online quiz and it said I have adhd. How do I get a diagnosis?" And my immediate reaction is "you shouldn't be saying that you have adhd, when no doctors have diagnosed you. And an online quiz doesn't mean anything." And I get pretty annoyed. Part of me knows that there is a large amount of people on the internet who really want to have adhd but don't. And a large amount who have it but don't know. And I run into those people all the time. And idk man it pisses me off. So here is where I will talk about it. I think one reason I get so annoyed is that as much as I hate being neurodivergent, it gives me some sort of feeling of being special. And when everyone says that they are special, you don't feel special anymore. The people like that aren't doing any harm or being offensive in any way, but I still let them get to me. Focusing on yourself is easier said than done. That's the deep down reason, but I still want to talk about it. I think that a lot of the people who self diagnose adhd online do not understand the struggle adhd provides to people like me. I don't think they understand the unhealthy levels of hyperfixation, I don't think they understand the comorbids, I don't think they really understand the struggle. But yet again, it's a little bit different for everyone, there is always going to be varying levels of adhd. But it still annoys me when those type of people undermine the serious psychological meaning of those terms by saying "omg I am like totally hyperfixated on my bf lol. It's my adhd acting up" (reak thing I have heard) Idk man, I'm ranting like usual. But it still bugs me when those people mention those things. Am I a jerk? Or do any of you feel the same? -Rack
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I'm good at nothing
General Support / by Rackson
Last post
 August 23rd, 2023
...See more I feel like I cannot get good at anything. With my adhd I pick up and drop hobbies all the time. The second i start to commit to a hobby, I loose interest in it. This forces me to stop improving. I feel like I am not good at anything. I'm not getting any funnier, I'm not getting any more athletic, and I'm not getting better at school. It seems everyone around me is good at something, Jacob is good at playing instruments, my sister is good at cameras and filming, Erika is good at swimming and soccer, Campbell is good at drawing, Leo is good with lizards, my dad is good with computers, my mom is good with teaching. It seems everyone has found something that they are good at but me. I swap interests like crazy. Even something I improve on when I'm interested, I drop. I already have such low self esteem, and seeing all these other people be so much better at what they do ruins me. It's not that I'm not confident, but I have burned the idea that if I get even a little bit proud in any skill I have, I will be a cocky @$$hole. School ends in two years, and I'm worried that if I don't get good at something soon, I will fail and flop. Even when I think I'm not bad at something, that voice in my head says "oh you aren't good at all, in fact, you are terrible" I'm trying to stick to drawing as much as possible, because I like creating things, art, music, writing. See the problem is that when I do become confident in my skill of and ability, I do better at that thing. When I'm confident that I'm going to draw something I'm proud of, I do. Long sob story short, I cannot seem to get good at something. I know your initial reaction is probably, "oh, you are young. Don't worry about being good at something, just do what you like" and to that I say, it's easier said than done. It's so devastating seeing everyone else in your life exell at something while you are left in the dust. It really really is. Anyway, peace out gamers. Untill next time -Ross J
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Rack's forest
Depression Support / by Rackson
Last post
 October 17th
...See more Hey, this is a place for me and you to rant/vent/etc, I got this idea from Astra (thanks Astra!). All of these posts are delayed from when events in them actually happened becuase I don't have internet access to directly post them, so I might post them a few days or so from when I write them. -your frend Rack
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