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RedBeardMTP
895 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2019 Member sinceMarch 20, 2015
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I am nearing the end of my rope, anxiety and depression keep me from being able to support myself.
Depression Support / by RedBeardMTP
Last post
 April 24th, 2015
...See more My name is Matt, I am an agoraphobic, claustrophobic, depressive, anxiety prone, obsessive compulsive, overweight 19 year old and I am at the end of my rope. I am currently on an SNRI switching to an SSRI soon, Moved recently from Colorado back to Utah and am no longer self medicating with marijuana, which I am seeing now since it is out of my system, that it was more or less a useful bandaid overall to help me get through life's troubles, My mother has taken me under her loving wing and given me the means to see multiple specialists in order to find a successful rehabilitation. I currently do not work, To work brings my already small quality of life down to the zero line When working: 6-7 days a week are consumed by anxiety, starting with agoraphobia producing the lack of appetite with an excess of bile and vomit in the morning before work, met with my claustrophobia taking over AT work giving me anywhere from 1/day-2/hr anxiety attacks, then to be met at home with the ocd/agoraphobia tag team that lets me only think about having to go to work the next morning and do it all over again.  I need to find a job but even looking at an application starts churning the bile in my ulcer ridden stomach. Up until 2-3 months ago, suicide has never been a viable option, I am abhorrently against it, but If I had to continue the next 40-50 years following this pattern (if my body or mind didn't break first) well....my perception of the concept has changed. I am currently seeing 2 specialists in the psychiatric branch of medicine in parallel with my regular physician and a support group. I am incredibly depressed Nothing is working And honestly I almost feel worse. I am at the end of my rope, and my support system is near the end of theirs, I dont know what to do, and I need help  
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