I am nearing the end of my rope, anxiety and depression keep me from being able to support myself.
My name is Matt,
I am an agoraphobic, claustrophobic, depressive, anxiety prone, obsessive compulsive, overweight 19 year old
and I am at the end of my rope.
I am currently on an SNRI switching to an SSRI soon,
Moved recently from Colorado back to Utah and am no longer self medicating with marijuana, which I am seeing now since it is out of my system, that it was more or less a useful bandaid overall to help me get through life's troubles,
My mother has taken me under her loving wing and given me the means to see multiple specialists in order to find a successful rehabilitation.
I currently do not work,
To work brings my already small quality of life down to the zero line
When working:
6-7 days a week are consumed by anxiety, starting with agoraphobia producing the lack of appetite with an excess of bile and vomit in the morning before work, met with my claustrophobia taking over AT work giving me anywhere from 1/day-2/hr anxiety attacks, then to be met at home with the ocd/agoraphobia tag team that lets me only think about having to go to work the next morning and do it all over again.
I need to find a job but even looking at an application starts churning the bile in my ulcer ridden stomach.
Up until 2-3 months ago, suicide has never been a viable option, I am abhorrently against it, but If I had to continue the next 40-50 years following this pattern (if my body or mind didn't break first) well....my perception of the concept has changed.
I am currently seeing 2 specialists in the psychiatric branch of medicine in parallel with my regular physician and a support group.
I am incredibly depressed
Nothing is working
And honestly I almost feel worse.
I am at the end of my rope,
and my support system is near the end of theirs,
I dont know what to do, and I need help
Whatever you do... DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Your life is worth living. If your medical team isn't working for you, find a new one! If your meds aren't working, try a new one! If your Dr won't listen and have your back to do whatever is necessary to figure out how to make your life better, get a different Dr! Advocate for yourself! It can get better!
I feel you with the agoraphobia, I actually think it's my SNRI giving me this increased anxiety because of the norepinephrine. So when you switch to an SSRI you may very well start to feel better :) What helps me is congratulating myself for every little step, like driving for 10 minutes or going outside for a bit. Every little bit is a strike against the agoraphobia. I actually had this once before about ten years ago and couldn't leave the house at all, I ended up getting better. Somuch so that I've gotten to travel places and experience things that reminded me that life is worth living. You will get through this. Right now, it completely sucks, but just remember that it's temporary.
My frend please hang in there. And you can do something for 1 minuit that would abhore you if you had to do it for the rest of your life. So just one small step at a time. How do you eat an elephant. 1 mouthfull at a time. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mitery. That there for leaves but today. May you there fore live but one day at a time. Also remember I am holding your hand and you can not fall because I will not let go of you. Please stay strong for me because I need you. And that is how we work on 7 cups Your friend from Australia John
I feel you, Matt. I'm also an agoraphobic and I haven't left the house in months. I know how hard it is to explain to people and anxiety is even harder. Baby steps feel like they take ages and even they feel too hard. We're crawling through life right now and the only way we can keep going is to keep believing in the process. There is a destination. You were made for this. You have the right to exist. You are worthy of being out there. Survive one minute at a time. *hugs*