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RemainUnnamed
1 241 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 3, 2026
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Everything is becoming pointless
35 & Over Community / by RemainUnnamed
Last post
 August 20th
...See more Hello, I am [36M] not facing one unusual problem, but many problems all at the same time. The weight of everything together is making it hard for me to even leave my bed. Everything feels bland and tasteless. I lost my father two months ago. I was not able to be there for him in his final days. I have been living in Korea for the past eight years to complete my PhD. Now I don’t even know if I will ever finish it. The irony is that I couldn’t be with my father because I was trying to finish my PhD. My supervisor kept telling me I would finish early, but he keeps changing the finish line. I stayed because I believed him. I thought I was close. I thought I was doing the right thing. I blame myself for many things. I tell myself I was lazy. I should have focused more on learning the language. Now I feel powerless — like a slave to my professor, who uses me to advance his own career. I feel like I cannot complain to anyone. I cannot leave because I am afraid of what people will say. I also feel responsible for taking care of my mother back home. She is hurt and angry that I did not return when my father needed me. I keep thinking I should have left everything and gone back. I didn’t. I stayed because I wanted to show my father my degree. I wanted to show him that I had achieved something. Since my father passed away, my supervisor has not once spoken to me about it. Instead, he scolded me for taking a four-week break, even though the university only officially allowed two weeks. I feel he is taking advantage of my vulnerable situation. Sometimes I understand why there are no Korean students in his lab. Right now, I feel stuck — between guilt, anger, grief, and exhaustion. I feel disappointed in myself, betrayed by my supervisor, and distant from my family. I don’t know what to do next.
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