Ribenaberry Member Profile

...See more Hi all. I'm having a relationship problem that I'd like some advice on. My partner and I were together for a year and a bit after which we broke up for 2 months. We have been back together for 3 months. When we got back together, we did so on the understanding that we would try an open relationship. Now, I'm not sure why I agreed to that. Possibly because I love him and wanted him to be happy, and partly because I genuinely thought I could do it. I couldn't. We agreed to swinging instead (as a couple), and I've also found that really hard. Something inside me just feels it is wrong. I should explain that I used to have experiences in threesomes/fetish clubs etc, where I was the third and never when I was in a relationship myself. Of course, when my partner and I got together, he had an impression of me and the kind of things I got up to. He expected our life to include those things, which was fair enough. Now we are in the horrible position where not both of us can get what we want. I asked him for a couple of months to work on my confidence and own personal issues, so it might be something I can consider again, but feels let down because as far as he sees it, I have said one thing and done another since we got back together and is struggling to take me at my word. Obviously, if I don't want to do it, we don't do it, but does this mean we can't be together? Is he just going to resent me? He, unlike me, can separate sex and love. He sees the swinging lifestyle as adventure and excitement. For me, it has so far caused anxiety and stress (I have an alcohol consumtion problem which is worse under stress). He wants to see me enjoy myself and have fantasies, which I don't really have. I'm not honestly sure what has lead to me being more adventerous as a single, and not in a relationship, but I do think it is to do with insecurity. I used to get up to all sorts, as a way to fee special, now I don't feel the need to do that, the same scenarios fill me with dread. My life has been pretty chaotic, and I do think I just want some 'normality' in my life. Something I have never really felt I've had. For him, he doesn't want a 'mundane life until he dies'. Neither do I, but not mundane and swinging are different things! I have accused him of having a midlife crisis (he's 39), but he claims that's not the case. It's just what he wants. We are very good at communicating in a lot of ways, but we are struggling to understand each other here. We love each other, that's not in doubt, but is there any hope for us? He also has a much higher sex drive than I do, and while our sex is great, I'm sure it is far too infrequent for him. Please help! I want us to get through this! Thanks.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

I am classically trained as a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio