Russbrooks Member Profile

...See more Hi I am new to this and really wanted to get some outside options. It's great to see an online community exists! Ill try and be as brief as possible. I've been with my partner for 3 years, I am male, 32 no children she is 42, one grown up son and we don't currently live together. On the whole we share many interests, can get along pretty well, share exclusive in jokes, spend a lot of time together and generally do a lot together. I started to feel like there were issues however pretty early on. In a nutshell I believe my partner tends to blow up over small things, has extremely strong options (which sometime quite frighten me in their intensity) and can be very bossy/controlling? I read about differentiation which I strongly relate to in regards to our relationship. I also find she has really bad double standards which are difficult to ignore as she has such high standards herself. She would often go silent on me and I'd have no clue what was happening only to find it was because I'd not messaged back quick enough or somethinf of a similar scale. This became a big issue and I would find myself on eggshells, constantly worries she be upset with something I'd done and I was bassicly anxious a lot. Whenever we discuss anything we almost always end up in a blowout. I am 100% a diplomatic person who has never had communication issues with anyone to this degree. She will raise her voice, shout, swear and also not let me say my bit or cut the conversation off, especially if I've ever pointed out any of her wrongdoings. I feel like I appease her as I'm probably not too boundaried myself and can be vulnerable which I understand is mayb the issue here? I'm not saying she is a tyrant all the time or anything and it's not just me who sees this it's even her own family. So... I have this friend of 20 years who doesn't like her. He's a self confessed alcoholic and can be immature but he's still my friend. He's part of my wider social circle and once in a while he's a good luagh to be around. He for some reason thought it was a great idea to leave a bit of an underhand comment on one of her Facebook posts (trivial maybe I know) which was a bit of a dig suggesting she was the devil (but not in direct words). I pulled him up and defended her and told him to apologise which he did (to me). My partner suggested he apologise to her and oversaw some communication with him where I indicated this (I felt a little uncomfortable as I knew he is harmless but still did feel I should defend her. I'm just naturally quite forgiving) He didn't directly apologise to her, which led to her refusing to allow me to see him or be near him. I had spoken to after a while which caused her to end the relationship as she felt I'd betrayed her. We quickly got back and a basically cut myself off from him (alienating me from other friends as a result as I would miss birthdays, christMas gatherings etc if he was there) He finally apologised after a while and my partner agreed for me to see him again. When it came down to it, she backtracked saying if I saw him it was ok for her to see people who might threaten our relationship and it went back to her boundary of not seeing my friend. I was not ok with this at all. Now, my best friend of also around 20 years has asked me to be best man. The said offending friend is invited to the reception (the groom has also k own him 20 years and doesn't want to choose) but my partner isn't to either. The reception was only a decent addition after the couple decided to invite another 15 people each. Other partners aren't invited including the brides sisters, all her best friends partners etc. Covid restrictions also played a part and they are only having 30 for the day. I know it was painstaking for them to finalise a list. They aren't good friends with my partner and she recently deleted them both from Facebook (again trivial I know) after she split up with me briefly over another disagreement. my partner was furious to find she wasn't invited and when she discovered the offending friend was she told me I need to leave after speeches and meal when he arrives or we are done. She says me being with him would be a betrayal (this is now 2 years on from the Facebook comment) and she's can't allow her boundary to be violated. Can anyone give me a balanced solution? I really would hate to leave early as best man and my friend has been like a brother to me. Thanks guys

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