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Ryan047
1 848 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 11, 2017
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I'm tired
General Support / by Ryan047
Last post
 August 4th, 2018
...See more It feels like everyday is getting worse.I can't get myself to fix my life because I'm tired of trying..I am trying and failing,trying and failing..for the past 5 years.Messages and sayings like "stay strong,life will get better" only annoy the heck out of me.I've written a long Reddit post last night with my story.I can't re-read it without feeling deeply ashamed of myself and my decisions.I'll post the link down below if someone is interested(I apologize if link sharing is against the rules). https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/91lus4/im_just_tired_of_existing/ I can only see life getting worse,and if I don't manage to enter collage next year,I'm pretty sure I'll kill myself.And no,I can't afford therapy or something(check reddit post for more details).This is my last stand.I honestly don't expect to succed,I'm just procratinating on what it's inevitable.And if I do succed,I'll just prolong my suffering because my depression won't get better.Now that I'm thinking about it,continuing to live and strive is meaningless.Whatever.. I'm spending these days mentally masturbating(mental masturbation=the act of engaging in useless yet intellectually stimulating conversations/scenarios, usually as an excuse to avoid taking constructive action in your life),hanging out with friends(of course,as a distraction),rewatch old videos over and over again or relisten to the same songs I've listend for years.I don't want to engage in anything new,not even watching a new YouTube video.There is nobody to offer me the emotional support that I need.The people that actually care about me are f-ed up too..my family and my friends. I'm not really sure why I'm even posting this..Just to receive some pity from others I guess..Yea', that's the point..I'm ashamed of myself for even wanting pity.I don't even deserve that..My life is such a waste.
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