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SC1991
85 M Embraced
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceFebruary 4, 2018
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Feeling Like a Failure
Anxiety Support / by SC1991
Last post
 February 9th, 2018
...See more This is going to be very long and whiny, so I apologize in advance. I just have a problem where I build things up and beat around the bush, and it's hard dishing out my problem on other people. I've recently started opening up to my mom about a lot of my issues, like my depression and my PTSD. But things have been getting worse, and I feel like I'm hardly functioning. I'm 26, live with family, and frankly feel like a huge failure and embarrassment to my family. I left my previous work for self employment, where all of my plans fell through. I'm hardly making anything, and I've been sick for the last week, and don't have any money. On some level, I know they're understanding, but I feel like my family is just so done with me. I have a long history of unemployment due to my depression, and I hate feeling like I'm slipping into old habits. I have medication, but I'm bad about taking it. I self sabotage a lot, like not doing things I need to because I'm a failure anyways. I don't take my medicine sometimes because I figure the same thing; "it's not going to change the fact that you're a fat loser, so why bother?". I hate having these thoughts. I'd like to see a therapist, but I don't make enough. My credit is a mess because I just screw myself over all the time. I've been self sabotaging since I was a teenager, and only recently learned what it was. I just don't even know what to do anymore. I recently spent two days over at my best friends place because I didn't feel safe by myself because I kept having suicidal thoughts. I don't really think that I'd do anything, but it really scares me, and I just don't see a way out anymore. I've been struggling with all of this since I was a preteen. I'm 26 now, and I just don't feel like anything is ever going to get any better. I feel like such a burden and like I'm wasting everyone's time. I'm sorry for being whiny, I just don't know what to do anymore :(
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