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SamoanGirl541
1 542 M Embraced 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceApril 29, 2017
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Lost mom
Relationship Stress / by SamoanGirl541
Last post
 July 29th, 2024
...See more I am 31 years old.  I got married when I was 20years old.  When I got married I was pregnant and lost my babies due to stress during my pregnancy. Fast forward to 2024 I have 2 kids and a husband.  I have been through heaven and *** with my husband. When we first got married, he cheated on me PLENTY of times. Back then, I would be so angry at him fooling around. He broke my heart so many times. (Why did I stay with him all this time?) I never really could answer that question myself.  Now being in my 30s when I stress about life and marriage, I look back into my life and I wish I had done things a lot differently. When I get pulled back into my reality I just trained myself to "suck it up" and deal with life and the curve balls it throws me. I have a 6yr old daughter and 7yr old son. When I look at them, I tell myself I would never want my daughter to end up like me.....Feeling stuck.  Now a days, when my husband and I argue he always brings up old stories and past problems like things HE could never let go from the past and blame me for every fault or bad thing that happens to him as of today. I am not a perfect person or wife but I know when to apologize for my wrongs. Now a days when I apologize, he gets louder, angrier where he wants to go back to the "old him" where he lashes out and breaks things around our home and yells loud to where the kids are screaming and crying and the neighbors are calling the police. He has come a long way from "Those" days BUT he still has that side in him that he forgets everything and just rages out.  I want to separate. I want to talk to other people because I hate feeling like this or having our make-up talks because it always just feels like a band-aid had been placed on it until the next time. Like it always feels like it is just a temporary fix and never fully healing with him. When I want to separate, he always assumes I want to be with someone else. I am not sure what to do..... Divorce? Separate? I have never been the one to believe in Divorce. I guess I am just lost.  xoxo lost mom
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