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Shelo
21 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts0 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceAugust 19, 2014
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Emotional trainwreck
Trauma Support / by Shelo
Last post
 October 1st, 2014
...See more I lost my everything Saturday afternoon. She played the role of my mother, grandmother and father.  My grandmother she was by blood, but she adopted my sister and myself when we were just babies because our parents chose substances over their children. We found out that she had stage 4 bone cancer just 2 months ago after her arm broke above the elbow while trying to get up from a seated position. My sister and I were by her side as much as we could be. She began eating less, drinking less, becoming less coherent, asking for and talking about people who have long since passed along with many other things. Seeing this whole process was new for me and has been just devastating. Hospice gave us material to read that explained it all, but it doesn't make anything easier. We were at her bedside when she died, my daughter holding her hand and telling her we loved her. She lay in her bed dead for over an hour waiting for hospice and the funeral home to come out. During this time extended family started drinking, laughing, having a great time and as she was being taken from the home they were preparing to go to a bar to drink more. Their children were running and playing and getting in the way of the stretcher carrying her body out. I have never been so angry or hurt in my life. I feel as though I hate them all and once the funeral is over I never want to see them again. Half of me died as she did and the other half is slowly following. I can't focus on anything to distract myself even for a moment. My life is flip upside down and the sinking feeling is destroying me. 
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