Emotional trainwreck
I lost my everything Saturday afternoon.She played the role of my mother, grandmother and father. My grandmother she was by blood, but she adopted my sister and myself when we were just babies because our parents chose substances over their children. We found out that she had stage 4 bone cancer just 2 months agoafter her arm broke above the elbow while trying to get up from a seated position. My sister and I were by her side as much as we could be. She began eating less, drinking less, becoming less coherent, asking for and talking about people who have long since passed along with many other things. Seeing this whole process was new for me and has beenjust devastating. Hospice gave us material to read that explained it all, but it doesn't make anything easier. We were at her bedside when she died, my daughter holding her hand and telling her we loved her. She lay in her bed dead for over an hour waiting for hospice and the funeral home to come out. During this time extended family started drinking, laughing, having a great time and as she was being taken from the home they were preparing to go to a bar to drink more. Their children were running and playing and getting in the way of the stretcher carrying her body out. I have never been so angry or hurt in my life. I feel as though I hate them all and once the funeral is over I never want to see them again. Half of me died as she did and the other half is slowly following. I can't focus on anything to distract myself even for a moment. My life is flip upside down and the sinking feeling is destroying me.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Shelo. I can't even imagine the pain you're going through right now. Thank you for reaching out to 7 cups in this time of need.
The way your family behaved when your grandma passed away is absolutely inappropriate. You have every right to feel angry and frustrated about that. Do you have someone to help you out at this time? It would be great if you had the chance to just focus on yourself and grieving for the next little while. Everyone's process of grieving is different, and there's no right or wrong about it. It's always important to take your time and not rush into anything after such a traumatic experience. I hope your pain will ease a little bit as time passes, even though it'll probably always be there.
I agree with what Barush said. This must be the most painful period for you. I know you feel angry towards your family, but I feel if you can forgive them and think about your grandma at this time. I know things are very difficult and complicated for you at the moment, but by forgiving their bad behaviour will give you more time to focus on your grandma at this moment. Please don't feel alone, we all are there for you.
Be thankful that you were blessed to know such an amazing and wonderful person to have in your life. Remember the good times and remember to always show the love she gave to you and your sister to others and share her legacy with others, although she might not be with us anymore, she can live through the both of you. Don't let he'll bent hearts discourage you or erase the existence of such a beautiful woman . Let her legacy carry on by teaching others what she taught you and showing the love she showed you, regardless of if they show it back or not
