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ShiRokuRei
426 M Embraced 3
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceSeptember 8, 2017
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PTSD Reopened Then and Now *trigger potential* (ongoing)
Trauma Support / by ShiRokuRei
Last post
 September 8th, 2017
...See more Then: I was diagnoised with PTSD about 9 years ago. My then boyfriend and I came home to our quad apartment on fire. We ran in to save my pets, and in the process were trapped in the building. It took many months to cope with all that I lose, and even longer before I relized I had an issue. I wasn't sleeping, constant flashbacks, night terrors, emotional outbursts, hermiting...these were things I were never before. The life of the party, cafefree extrovert had died and left behind a scared, lonely introvert who didn't know how to reconnect to the people she was pushing away. I lost many friends, almost all my family. I was very lonely. I finally got therapy 9 months later, and on and off since. The biggest and most helpful thing I could have done was Move. I literally moved 18 hours away, 800 miles. With a new boyfriend at this time who had knowledge of mental disorders. I started new therapy, tried new things, and new people. It was very lonely and isolating for a while but... during that time I had a lot of self reflection. The people who did care for me kept in contact and it eased the anxiety of who I could trust. I digged into hobbies long forgotten, and bought a new camera. I can say today that I will never be over that trauma, I still have triggers, and there are days I can't cope. I have an inner strength that keeps me going, plus an amazing emotional support animal who knows when I am having anxiety. Now So this past year has been rough. I got married but before we got married we tried being swingers. We trusted this person as if they were part of our relationship. We had blinders on and everything was for him. not for us. Our wedding. Our plans. Everything. We got absorbed into his problems and his life. We began to fight and I feared our marriage was doomed before it ever started. Sexual expierences varied from mutual to scandalous. I was convienced multiple times into things I didn't want but I still consented to. I was weak. Looking back, we were used in all aspects of the word. I was coersed, out of fear to sleep with him outside my husbands knowledge. I have yet to bring it up to him because I am terrified. I know I shouldn't have, and I deserve whatever comes my way. I never got the choice to say no, I was only ever given the illusion of it. Recently we decided to take action, legal action and with in the social LARP club we are in. Filing with the club has been rough. I had put all this so far out of my mind that I was functioning fine. The night terrors are back, insomnia, constant anxiety and fear that its all going to go bad. Its been a rough 2 weeks. I am not sure where to start with the investigation or my husband
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