Shinewellv Member Profile

Overwhelmed with gestational diabetes

Parenting & Pregnancy / by Shinewellv

March 29th

...See more I am 9 weeks pregnant and feeling very overwhelmed today with expectations and health. Last week I have been diagnosed with early gestational diabetes and I’ve been to some appointments and following up as expected, but today everything feels like a lot. I had some trouble already before with that I should not be taking hot baths, which relax me a great deal, but I’ve dropped them and it was fine-ish. I haven’t really had big issues with specific food restrictions. But now I started feeling this great pressure to always eat healthy and move a lot, but my cravings for bad food have also gotten bigger (both because of pregnancy and because I’ve been denied them, I guess) and I am so tired all the time. So both eating healthy and moving feel super hard, and on top of that I need to be tracking my blood sugar levels all the time. I hate having to see the result of every single meal I eat. I just want to lay in the couch and eat comfort food and be fine. And now I also feel worse about not taking baths etc, like suddenly every restriction feels too much. But then I also feel guilty for feeling that because I should have no problem doing this for my baby. I feel like I’m failing them already. I know rationally that I don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time, but it is still hard - because if this is good for the baby, it should be a no-brainer and I should just want to do it well. I am not sure what I am expecting from posting this, I just wanted to vent to people who may relate or have some ideas on how to deal with these feelings, I think

Bad experience with therapist

Depression Support / by Shinewellv

August 21st, 2024

...See more I've been having depressive/burnout symptoms for a very long time, but I have always told myself that I am exaggerating or imagining it and never actually went to look for help. A few months ago, I finally convinced myself that it is bad enough and that it is actually ok if I look for help, so I went to a psychologist. I had some bad experiences with psychologists before, when I was a teenager I was being diagnosed with autism and it's never been a pleasant experience, mostly because it was forced upon me though I guess, so I'm already a bit more sensitive when it comes to psychologists. Anyway, I addressed to my psychologist that I am always feeling exhausted, that everything is too much energy, I can't get myself to do even basic tasks like personal hygiene and keeping the house clean, eating healthy food, I just block. But the past year I've also been cutting out things that were previously fun to do, they just started draining my energy instead of giving more, and were no longer enjoyable. In the first session, I also mentioned that I was autistic, and I could feel she immediately dismissed it, asking me if I think that diagnose is correct, I told her it is, and in her way of asking and her tone I felt like she didn't believe I was autistic. I became very good at masking though, and especially when I see someone the first time, I could imagine she didn't "get the vibes from me" but I would imagine a therapist should know this is a thing? Anyway, it was not my main concern so I let it pass. I went to several sessions and as we progressed I could feel her not really understanding my issues but I tried to explain things as clear as possible. She somehow decided that my issue was "not daring to be who I am" and that I don't have enough interesting things in my life or something (I used to have so many interesting hobbies, I've always joined so many associations, but couldn't keep them because of energy levels?), not sure how, I tried to explain to her it is that I am just too drained. In the last session, I told her that some small things give me insane levels of stress, and she literally told me "but I don't understand what the problem is, everyone has stress"; and she also told me that it's weird that I feel so tired while I don't have kids to take care of, that so many people have so much more to do and worry about. So I finished the session and decided not to go back. But now I just feel very drained from it all because it is not easy for me to open up, I'm doubting myself again if I'm just making everything up, and I need help but am very discouraged to find another therapist. Not sure what I want to get from this post. I guess I just needed to vent in the first place, and maybe some people have had similar experiences and found ways to deal with it? Or some sort of recognition that I can still feel exhausted even if I don't have kids, or that I don't need to doubt my symptoms... I don't know, I just feel very shaken by it all.

Feeling like I'm losing my friends to my partner

Relationship Stress / by Shinewellv

April 16th, 2023

...See more I can't help but feeling like I am losing my friends to my partner. I know that it's not a fair thing to think, but I'm not sure how to cope with these feelings. Both my partner and I moved to a new city about 3 years ago, with covid going on it had been a bit hard to make friends. They met some friends at language classes etc that they would sometimes hang out with. For me it's always been harder to make friends, so at my hobbies I haven't really met many people I connected with. Over these years, I did meet two people I connected with, at work (ex-colleague) and at a organized meetup during covid. And since these people were fun, and they also had partners who are from abroad (just like mine), I had proposed at some point to meet with the partners, so they also get to meet people who are new in the country etc. So we've been meeting in group mostly since then. Now we're all super busy and tired a lot so we meet like once a month tops I would say generally. We haven't become super close friends yet, but we were kinda getting there. But now, this one friend and my partner decided to go running together once a week; and the other friend and my partner have decided to go to the gym together once a week. Which means that my partner gets to see their own friends + "my" friends (which had become our friends) every week, which is possible for them because they have very flexible schedules and they just meet during the day. It was hard to meet my/our friends already, now if they see my partner every week I feel like I will never see them anymore, and when I see them they'll have nothing to share anymore, and that they will just become my partner's friends. My partner is also a very charming and social person, and people generally always like them - while I am more shy so people may not feel close to me immediately. And even while we were meeting in group these past months, I've always felt so insecure that they are starting to like my partner better than me. I know I may be overreacting, they're meeting for a specific reason, and even so - everyone is free to meet with whoever they want of course, but it's just really not so easy for me to find friendships so it feels super discouraging to me. And on top of that, I had been wanting to go to the gym too, so I have told them that maybe I would like to join and they are both fine with it. But my friend and partner have agreed on a moment already that suits them both, that is during the day and so hard for me to make it. I can rearrange work to join, but I just feel like I'm crashing the party and if they haven't asked me for my availability even if they know I wanna join, and I can just join at whatever moment they decide, it doesn't really feel like I should. Just makes me feel very sad and I feel like I have to start all over again to find new friends. Any advice on how to deal with these feelings?

Coping with loneliness while being confronted with busy social life of others

Depression Support / by Shinewellv

February 18th, 2021

...See more Hey everyone, I've been struggling with depression for a while now and for the past weeks the issue of loneliness has grown quite a bit and I'm looking for ways to cope with it. I've never had a lot of friends, but always had some close ones, or at least one space with people where I found safe. About a year ago, I moved to another city with my girlfriend, where we live together now. For a while I didn't study or work, so I had been at home a lot and it was hard to meet people, but now I started studying again and she just started a new job. For me, now I have opportunities to meet people but it's still hard. I feel scared and it feels pointless and I don't know if I have the energy, but at the same time I've been feeling so lonely since we moved, not having anyone to talk to that I do wanna meet people. Now at this time, my girlfriend starting her new job, is meeting a bunch of new people and she keeps talking about them and how cool they all are and how amazing, she's meeting people a lot more than before because she just started the job and also she's been making friends since we moved here, and now they all seem to be in a very "let's meet up" moment. So it feels like sometimes she's meeting people, making friends, going out with them, while I sit a home, wishing I had people to hang out with and I just feel so jealous sometimes (even if her current life would be a bit too social for me right now). I feel bad about it, because when she comes home and wants to talk about her day, about her friends, I try really hard to be super excited for her (and I am happy for her of course) but this feeling of jealousy and sadness because I don't have anything like that always gets extra strong. She knows about this issue, and I feel like she's trying to keep it into account, and she understands, and I also try to just let it go more, but it still remains. The one friend I do have here is actually a mutual friend. He was my girlfriend's friend and we got introduced, and for a while we've just been hanging out the three of us. We talk in the group chat, but he texts her also in private chat and him and me never do. And so we've also had some arguments about that, since it feels like the only friend I have is shared and seems to prefer my girlfriend over me anyway. And I know they were used to hanging out before I got added, and they were used to texting, and I'm also in a period where texting back fast is hard for me, but it still all hurts and I don't know how to make it feel better. So in general, I'm not sure how to cope with this jealousy, this sadness that overwhelms me when my girlfriend has fun and is meeting friends because I don't have what she has. I wish that when she tells me all these awesome things I could just only feel happiness for her but I'm not sure how to achieve that. I was hoping to get some input here. Sorry for the really long description! And thanks to whoever reads through it :)

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