Coping with loneliness while being confronted with busy social life of others
Hey everyone,
I've been struggling with depression for a while now and for the past weeks the issue of loneliness has grown quite a bit and I'm looking for ways to cope with it.
I've never had a lot of friends, but always had some close ones, or at least one space with people where I found safe. About a year ago, I moved to another city with my girlfriend, where we live together now. For a while I didn't study or work, so I had been at home a lot and it was hard to meet people, but now I started studying again and she just started a new job. For me, now I have opportunities to meet people but it's still hard. I feel scared and it feels pointless and I don't know if I have the energy, but at the same time I've been feeling so lonely since we moved, not having anyone to talk to that I do wanna meet people.
Now at this time, my girlfriend starting her new job, is meeting a bunch of new people and she keeps talking about them and how cool they all are and how amazing, she's meeting people a lot more than before because she just started the job and also she's been making friends since we moved here, and now they all seem to be in a very "let's meet up" moment. So it feels like sometimes she's meeting people, making friends, going out with them, while I sit a home, wishing I had people to hang out with and I just feel so jealous sometimes (even if her current life would be a bit too social for me right now). I feel bad about it, because when she comes home and wants to talk about her day, about her friends, I try really hard to be super excited for her (and I am happy for her of course) but this feeling of jealousy and sadness because I don't have anything like that always gets extra strong. She knows about this issue, and I feel like she's trying to keep it into account, and she understands, and I also try to just let it go more, but it still remains.
The one friend I do have here is actually a mutual friend. He was my girlfriend's friend and we got introduced, and for a while we've just been hanging out the three of us. We talk in the group chat, but he texts her also in private chat and him and me never do. And so we've also had some arguments about that, since it feels like the only friend I have is shared and seems to prefer my girlfriend over me anyway. And I know they were used to hanging out before I got added, and they were used to texting, and I'm also in a period where texting back fast is hard for me, but it still all hurts and I don't know how to make it feel better.
So in general, I'm not sure how to cope with this jealousy, this sadness that overwhelms me when my girlfriend has fun and is meeting friends because I don't have what she has. I wish that when she tells me all these awesome things I could just only feel happiness for her but I'm not sure how to achieve that. I was hoping to get some input here.
Sorry for the really long description! And thanks to whoever reads through it :)
@Shinewellv I understand that feeling of jealousy rather well. My younger sister is extroverted and active and successful where as I am ... not as much. It can be hard to hear her talk about her amazing coworkers and how happy she is in her new apartment a couple states over while the last time I talked to my closest friend was months ago. Something that helps me is working on the little, insignificant relationships in my life. Making small talk with the barista that remembers my order but not my name. Saying hi to the greeter at the library every time I visit. Even without meaning to, small continuous interactions lead to familiarity leads to small friendships. I don’t remember the name of the waitress who is there every time I go to ihop to study but I know what specials she likes and how her son is doing in social studies. Remembering these smaller relationships helps me feel a little less alone sometimes. Someone out there knows my face and notices if I am gone. Maybe try building these smaller relations in things you already do on a semi-regular basis. Hopefully even things like posting on sites like this and chatting with others can help you feel a little less isolated too. :)
@Shinewellv I understand that feeling very well. It is difficult to be in a position like that and see someone else in a similar place who looks like they are doing fine with something you are struggling with. It is great that you are open to discussing your feelings and just continue making friends and chatting with people to help your isolation!