SimplyShan Member Profile

...See more Hi everyone this is my first time posting anything like this, but I've read a lot of your posts and resonated with so many I thought I would make my own... Me and my bf have been together for almost 5 years now, hes never cheated, hurt me physically or emotionally, never wronged me etc... hes such a lovely man, and he loves me so much. Hes caring and thoughtful, he loves my family and they love him, hes not a party person, he'd much rather stay home or focus on his hobbies/pick up extra work or spend time with me etc. Literally he's great. He's made me happy this whole time, my anxious attachment - gone. I trust him fully. Hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. But for a couple years now I've had this niggling gut feeling that this isn't right. Certain things happen, disagreements, misalignments.. he't not really emotionally matre and doesn't like deep conversations where as I'm a deep and curious person and I want to talk ab out things and life.. I've also been through therapy and I'm constantly trying to better myself mentally, emotionally, physically, I'm trying to be more positive because I had a darker past.... he's not interested in self improvement, and is a really negative person. He blames his mum and his upbringing, as his family are really negative.. but theres a point where you need to take control of that and heal yourself? I want to be more social and go out and do fun things, and he is so hard to get out of the house for social things.. a few other things too, I won't list them all. I've been on and off thinking of ending things for over a year now... its just the thought of hurting him absolutely kills me. It breaks my heart knowing this will destroy him. But where one side of me - the settled, calm, more sensible side of me - is comfortable and could quite easily carry on with blinkers on and a 'this is fine' kinda attitude, the other part of me who craves passion and adventure and excitement and experiencing life while I'm young and I still can... she's felt muffled and dulled for a long time. and I feel like I'm losing her.. Has anyone had an experience like this? Where theres nothing WRONG thats happened but you just have a gut feeling like you're in the wrong place? I've been ignoring it for so long I don't know what to do

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