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SingHappy
1 1,754 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts63 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceJuly 25, 2017
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Small issue, big fights
Relationship Stress / by SingHappy
Last post
 March 6th, 2024
...See more (Sorry this is so long, I don't know how to be brief!) My boyfriend and I don't walk at the same pace. His normal walking speed is faster than mine, and I understand this isn't an unusual dynamic for male-female relationships. What is unusual is that when we walk together, we seldom are able to keep pace with each other, and when I ask him to slow down for me, he always responds negatively, with either a groan, eyeroll, or a comeback ("you just need to walk faster!"). We have this argument at least once per week, and after being together for nearly four years, I am completely fed up with it. I hate that asking for something so small is always met disagreement. I hate that he is so dismissive of my limits, constantly questioning why I "won't" walk faster, even though I've told him again and again it's a matter of "can't" (ability) not "won't" (choice). It feels like he is completely unable to believe me when I tell him I can't keep up with him, despite the fact that it's been happening for years. When I try to talk about this issue (or any issue), he shuts down, which means I end up ranting and nagging and crying to fill the space, and he does nothing. I understand that to some extent this situation is not fair. I am asking him to make a change for me, and I am unable to make a change for him. But isn't that what love is supposed to be about? Making sacrifices out of kindness and love? I've made sacrifices for him without asking for anything in return. Why is it such a big ask for him to slow down for a five minute walk with me? I'm at the end of my rope here. I feel mad, insulted, and deeply sad all at once. I told him I want to see a couples counselor because the two of us aren't going anywhere with this fight. I hate that such a small thing is tearing us apart. I just need some kind of reality check here. Is this really the thing that could break us up? Such a small issue, but also our biggest one. Thanks for reading!
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