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Sirius723
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2026 Member sinceMay 10, 2025
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Going through a rough patch.
Anxiety Support / by Sirius723
Last post
 January 11th
...See more Hey everyone, I hope you're doing well. I'm not really used to reaching out for support or sharing my pain with other people, because I learnt earlier in my childhood that expressing pain, needs and feelings is a burden and that I should suck it up or keep it to myself. Here I am today, a grown woman in her twenties, trying to defy those old believes, and trying to grieve the basic things that I should've received and learnt as a child but never did. And I gotta say that it's extremely hard, because today I'm learning how to face uncomfortable feelings that I once used to numb or run away from. It's so hard, painful, messy and not linear at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm making growth, while other times I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom again. Yesterday I had a terrible break up with my partner. It was barely a two month relationship and it ended so quickly because I couldn't tolerate so many things, such as my needs were not being met at all, which made me feel unseen and unheard. There was inconsistency, the most thing I needed in the relationship was emotional presence and reassurance, but I never received them. And I stayed despite feeling emotionally starved and unseen, hoping that things would change to the better, but of course they never did. Because there was an apparent incompatibility from the start. And it's not that I did not know, but it's because I didn't wanna know. I wanted to believe that it could work out, I wanted to prove to myself that I can maintain a relationship even if my body was giving me all signs that this was unsafe and not right. I realized that I've been choosing the wrong person, not because I was oblivious but because my nervous system was attracted to the ones that felt familiar and not necessarily safe. It felt so lonely and painful when I made the realisation, but it also felt right, because for the first time of my life, I listened to what my body told me, I believed it and this time I didn't dismiss it. Right now I'm in the messy middle of healing, because I no longer have my old coping mechanisms, but at the same time I'm still learning how to develop new healthy ones. And if you ask me, the healing journey is the worst journey I've ever gone through in my entire life, because it feels like m peeling layers and layers of the old version of me that has been shaped by low self esteem, lack of boundaries, self hate and bad perception of my body, and m leaving space for the new healthy version that has yet to come. I'm still struggling with all those issues that I mentioned above, m not perfect, but at least I'm more aware of them and the patterns that I keep repeating every single time. So, is healing worth it? Definitely.
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