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Slenderproxy666
2,675 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 27 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceJune 29, 2017
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Lost Doll
Trauma Support / by Slenderproxy666
Last post
 December 24th, 2017
...See more I've been reading through other threads and posts and I really like this concept so here I am. I guess I'll just write and post as if it were a diary. (I have no idea what I'm doing but hey, I shall make an attempt!) I named this "Lost doll" because I often use that as a metaphor for myself. I've been through a lot. My mother was a drug addict who occasionally "over punished" me (as my dad calls it). She died when I was 9. I shut myself out from the world, execpt for my one and only friend: my cousin. Just a few months after my mom died, hoever, my cousin started making sexual advances at me. Over the months and years everything got worse and worse. Things went from looking to touching to raping in very little time. At first he would let me escape after a minute, but eventually he began to hold me, beat me, shoot at me, tie me, bite me, etc.. So I found it easier to give in. By year 3 or 4 I had become his personal slave...a little sex doll. During 8th grade I made a really good friend and thought I could tell her about what was going on...I was wrong. She started spreading rumors and began to bully me pretty harshly about it. To this day she still does. Unfortunately one of my guy friends at the school started harrassing me too. Honestly, I'm used to bullying but my best friend had turned and this dude friend began to get really bad. He started to not only physically harrass me but sexually as well. He never got to the point that my cousin had but he would grab any inappropriate area he could, hit me, slam me into walls, push me down the stairs, pin me and tell me what he was going to do to me, etc... After almost 3 years, he dropped out of school. (So I'm safe from him this year ^-^ yay!) He wasn't the only boy at school to harrass me either, he was just the worst. Anywayyy, during the summer before 9th grade, my cousin stopped and things got really chill between us. He even apologized for the past. But, in september of 2015 (9th grade for meee) things got really bad again. On the last day of 9th grade (May 20 2016), I finally told my dad. We told my grandma to keep hm away and left it at that. (I didn't tell my father but a fraction of what was going on, just enough to make it stop). About a year later, (about 5 months ago) my boyfriend ended up seeing a diary that I had kept of it all in grave detail. His mother turned it into the police and forced us to break up. She took his phone and banned him from anything that has to do with me. To this day, she hates him being around me but they're blaming my dad for it all. Boyfriend and I still love eachother but I won't tollerate my father being blamed for something that isn't his fault. They also refuse to believe that this case is harmful. But because of this case: I've lost 1/2 of my family; my cousin has to come back; and I have to relive every event in detail everytime I talk to an investigator. To top that off, as the case fell out, everyone decided to play the "you're not alone" card,,,which made things much much worse. I can handle going through it myself but when I know people I love go through it, it hurts....a lot. My mom, my dad, my boyfriend's mom, my best friend, my ex girlfriend. All rape victims. You would think: Oh well they should understand then right? I don't know. Perhaps they would if they listened for once. I feel like everyone if 5 stories tall and screaming at eachother over me. I feel like I'm in a hole and no matter how hard I try no one can hear me. But the problem is that they can hear, but they don't listen. ~~~~~ I have a lot more to type but I think this is enough for a first post. Ps: sorry if my grammer is bad...I started typing fast and angrily sooooo... my bad. Tomorrow isn't going to be good but I'm going to sleep before I send myself into panic attacks and/ or flashbacks again.
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