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SlothIsMySpiritAnimal
1 68 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 9, 2026
Bio

I work. That's essentially been my identity - and until last year I was really good at it. 30 years of stress finally caught up to me, and nothing has been the same since.

My focus now is on finding a new path forward so I can be a good husband, and a good father to my 10 year old daughter whom I love more than oxygen.

Recent forum posts
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Feeling lost
General Support / by SlothIsMySpiritAnimal
Last post
 September 9th
...See more A year ago, a lifetime of stress collapsed around me. I took a leave from work, went through PHP and IOP, and 6 months later thought I had a working plan to be functional once again. My first 3 months back at work were great - they put me in a low-stress role, virtually no deadlines, I really enjoyed what I was doing. And it was valuable to the company. Then everything changed. A couple months ago I started splitting my time between the internal work and my normal client work. We thought we could balance things.  It was a struggle, but survivable. Then I was told the funding for my internal work was gone and I was back to 100% client work. That was the day everything came tumbling down. Two weeks later, I'm back acknowledging I just can't do this anymore. I can't be in a position where I have panic attacks every day, where I know I'm letting people down by not being able to focus on the job (or even remember what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time). Yet I will also let people down if I don't keep doing it - my family depends on me.  I'm hoping to find some sort of permanent internal role to change to, but I'm not optimistic. Pessimism seems to be my theme this week. I slept 90 minutes tonight, almost 6 hours ago. Now I have to get through another 5 hours before I even start my day, then 10 hours of the actual day itself. I haven't stopped crying in the last 3 hours because I feel so lost and hopeless.  I know the world isn't ending. I know there will be a solution somewhere. I just hate the feeling of everything crumbling underneath you, the whole foundation you thought you'd solidly built your whole life. Oh yeah, hi, I'm new here, and I ramble alot. I'm also really good at listening and supporting others, just lousy at supporting myself.
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