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SnowPup
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2018 Member sinceSeptember 9, 2018
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My horrible self esteem fuels my eating disorder
Eating Disorder Support / by SnowPup
Last post
 September 14th, 2018
...See more Hiya I'm sort of new here but just sort of wanted to vent.. I always go on and off my eating disorder habits.. I have never been diagnosed but I know counting my calories and weighing myself and judging my body isn't healthy.. If I am actually happy there will be a pause in it and I actually feel like I can eat and that little voice goes away but when I am depressed it goes spiralling all down again. Something that seems to make my ed a lot worse is my horrible self esteem.. I will constantly look at "perfect" girls and wish I could be like them so my mind goes to the idea of skinny.. if I'm skinny I'll be perfect like these girls and everyone will love me.... I also get super paranoid in my relationship afraid of getting cheated on or that my SO is looking at attractive girls so if I am skinny he will only look at me and worry about me. so sort of a wanting attention type of issue to.. if I am extremely skinny then everyone will notice me. I am at what is considered a healthy bmi but I always look at myself and think I am fat and ugly.. It feels sort of good to vent.. I hope I am not the only one who feels this way.
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