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Stan92
1 4,804 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts99 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJuly 23, 2019
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hung up on a relationship that didn't even start
Relationship Stress / by Stan92
Last post
 March 25th, 2024
...See more A few years ago I started crushing on this girl that was among an online gaming friends. I never came close to having such feelings before. It started as a genuine interest and it only grew bigger. for a year I was obsessed with thinking about her. and I felt and had reasons to believe that she liked me too. She kinda knew how I felt, but I don't think she knew the extent of it. After more than a year of getting closer to telling her and then chickening out or something coming up making me think that maybe it's all in my head and she's not in the same place. but it was too much of a feeling to just let go. So I told her, and she gently responded with what means that I'm a only precious friend. I think I took it well and I thought I got the relief that I was hoping for to know whether it's real or all in my head, we still talk sometimes and catch up. but now almost two years after I told her I still can't let it go. when I think about it I can't believe that it was all in my head. I was and still am sure that she was interested at some point, and I can't stop thinking that I did something wrong or maybe for some reason she changed her mind and I want to talk to her about it. I don't want her to change her mind but I want to understand what happened and then maybe I can stop thinking about it. but it's never a good time, I'm always waiting for a better chance that's never coming,  our lives have been chaos since the beginning and there's always stuff that we're dealing with. I don't understand how I got here. I'm hung up on a relationship that didn't even start. But I don't think I'll be able to move on from this without getting closure with knowing what has happened.
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Mad and disappointed
Relationship Stress / by Stan92
Last post
 August 17th, 2020
...See more I'm mad at a friend because he's cutting me off bluntly and I'm just pissed because I thought I mattered more to him than this, I know he mattered to me, he did cut me off and on few times in the past years but he had problems and I wasn't the only one so it was understandable and I did support him and let him know that I care and I even talked to him about his problems and even shared a few of mine that I didn't share with anyone else, and he didn't give support but I wasn't sharing for support I was just letting him know that I can relate but recently I told him something big and he just acted dead instead of the support I needed and now he's cutting me off and im just mad and disappointed af, I didn't confront him and I don't want to but I'm just gonna cut him off too and idc even if he comes to make peace it'll never be the same and this is one more abandonment in my life and I'm going to figure out soon enough that I'm better off alone.
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Online Social Anxiety?
Anxiety Support / by Stan92
Last post
 August 16th, 2020
...See more I always didn't like to be around people, it made me nervous and weird and I ended up alone almost always and it wasn't horrible because I handled being lonely, I had to, I'm 21 and there wasn't a time when I couldn't feel lonely and thank God I manged to survive. The problem is with people and every time I have to face social life and I don't seem to be handling that at all. The new thing is that I found this problem inside my room playing my favorite game Which was my comfortable zone that I used to escape to from the people outside. I play this online game usually with few close friends or randoms and I made some local and international friends in the game but I always kept this kind of relations as superficial as I can, some of them are friend's friends from inside or outside the game and some of them are girls (I don't have any female friends irl), the problem is that these in-game friends are usually inviting me to play and hang with them within the game and I just can't proceed any step past the superficial level and I always find myself escaping and avoiding companionship in the game unless there's a close friend involved which they are not plenty and I'm ending up lonely, afraid and anxious wich is exactly as what happens in real life but this is INside my safety zone that I escape to and it just taking me even more down. I'm grateful that I'm used to figure out things to survive but this still takes me to dead ends and I can't see it through.
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