hung up on a relationship that didn't even start
A few years ago I started crushing on this girl that was among an online gaming friends. I never came close to having such feelings before. It started as a genuine interest and it only grew bigger. for a year I was obsessed with thinking about her. and I felt and had reasons to believe that she liked me too. She kinda knew how I felt, but I don't think she knew the extent of it. After more than a year of getting closer to telling her and then chickening out or something coming up making me think that maybe it's all in my head and she's not in the same place. but it was too much of a feeling to just let go. So I told her, and she gently responded with what means that I'm a only precious friend. I think I took it well and I thought I got the relief that I was hoping for to know whether it's real or all in my head, we still talk sometimes and catch up. but now almost two years after I told her I still can't let it go. when I think about it I can't believe that it was all in my head. I was and still am sure that she was interested at some point, and I can't stop thinking that I did something wrong or maybe for some reason she changed her mind and I want to talk to her about it. I don't want her to change her mind but I want to understand what happened and then maybe I can stop thinking about it. but it's never a good time, I'm always waiting for a better chance that's never coming, our lives have been chaos since the beginning and there's always stuff that we're dealing with.
I don't understand how I got here. I'm hung up on a relationship that didn't even start. But I don't think I'll be able to move on from this without getting closure with knowing what has happened.
@Stan92
Anything we build up as a plan for future in our minds can seem solid and real. The plan seemed perfect because you were the only one involved in real life if she did like you things would not have been exactly as it was in your head either because she would have a say in how things went.
How would you get closure on something that was only one sided .. accepting what you felt was a great dream is not real is hard sometimes but holding on to it is only causing issues for you.
Only you can give yourself closure.
@Stan92
Hi there,
I'd like to start by thanking you for sharing your story on here. It takes an incredible amount of courage to own up to our feelings and be vulnerable, and you sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, and the person you mentioned you're hung up on, is no small feat. I just wanted to point out what a brave person I see on the other end of this story.
I can see you are having so many conflicting thoughts about this situation, and I am sensing some confusion and distress. I believe anyone would feel the same way in this situation, and I can understand why you are experiencing the feelings you are currently. I hear you, getting messages that feel mixed from someone can be very confusion, and often with short or potential relationships, we feel the devastation of that missed potential a lot more. It can be just as painful as any long term relationship ending, and just as hard to make sense of.
You are the best judge of your situation, and I am sure the very bravery, self-reflection and depth of thought that allowed you to share your situation with us will help guide you in the right direction. I wish you all the best of luck!
@Stan92
I am just seeing this post and I am struck by your honesty and self-awareness. It takes a lot of courage to write out something like that and I think you should be proud of yourself.
Relationships are generally hard and need constant attention. Online relationships are particularly hard since one does not get all the non-verbal cues that are so important in communication. It looks like you are in a state of confusion but I am wondering if you are being exceptionally hard on yourself in saying that you might have said or done something here that made her friend-zone you. You are not really responsible for how she feels about you, and perhaps you can ask yourself what might give you the closure you are looking for. I wish you all the best.
@Stan92 I think what makes us stuck in certain situations is that the relationship never took place to begin with so your made-up idealistic version of them is very solid and unquestionable. you might find yourself indulged in these thoughts and daydream about them to cope with rejection which might make you feel even more attached. I think it's important to establish that you're worthy of reciprocated love and passion as this is the only form of love that any of us should ever seek. Don't ask for closures,if she gave you one voluntarily then fine. However, if she can go on and forget about you،then you she probably never liked you to begin with or maybe liked that you liked her. Whatever it is, there's nothing you could have done that would have changed her mind about you. Love yourself pls and go out there and give others a chance, someone might be waiting for you .