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Starryhugs
765 M Little Steps
PathStep 71 Compassion hearts57 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2018 Member sinceJune 11, 2017
Bio

Greetings! Call me starryhugs.
I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few If not a couple years back. I'm still struggling with this, however. I wish to get through this.

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Not sure
Depression Support / by Starryhugs
Last post
July 14th, 2017
...See more I have a lot on my mind. I was afraid of connecting to anyone here to talk but I find myself being indecisive about reaching out in general now. I've had depression for years now. It feels like it won't get any better. I still feel numb majority of the time and feel ashamed, hopeless, and the need to escape. My mom and someone close that I don't talk to anymore has told me that I made progress before falling back in the same depressive cycle. I stopped taking my meds, experienced Withdrawal symptoms, and stopped seeing my therapist completely last year. I didn't attend any sessions for months since I thought that I wasn't depressed. I thought that this was who I was now or that I was whining and that this didn't exist, feeling more out of sorts. I thought that I was being taken advantage of often by my brother(s) and that my issues were nothing because of the things that I've heard and was told from my family. Their actions too. These past few months or year have been completely stressful and kinda traumatic. Itve jotted down things everyday and I have mentioned being readmitted or getting reevaluated to my mom a while later. Writing helps a little. I still find it hard and frightening to lean on my mom here or anyone. I fear draining and negatively impacting them. So I tried to keep this to myself by drawing too. However, there's more stress that's in this situation. I cannot get professional help soon. Is it really bad to feel upset about this? I didn't get help or discontinued earlier because I thought that the deppression wasn't there or that this wasn't real anymore. I thought that I was the one to blame and went back and forward with 'is this even severe'. In the end, I feel selfish for feeling bad about not being able to see anyone soon.
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