Not sure
I have a lot on my mind. I was afraid of connecting to anyone here to talk but I find myself being indecisive about reaching out in general now.
I've had depression for years now. It feels like it won't get any better. I still feel numb majority of the time and feel ashamed, hopeless, and the need to escape. My mom and someone close that I don't talk to anymore has told me that I made progress before falling back in the same depressive cycle. I stopped taking my meds, experienced Withdrawal symptoms, and stopped seeing my therapist completely last year. I didn't attend any sessions for months since I thought that I wasn't depressed. I thought that this was who I was now or that I was whining and that this didn't exist, feeling more out of sorts. I thought that I was being taken advantage of often by my brother(s) and that my issues were nothing because of the things that I've heard and was told from my family. Their actions too. These past few months or year have been completely stressful and kinda traumatic. Itve jotted down things everyday and I have mentioned being readmitted or getting reevaluated to my mom a while later. Writing helps a little. I still find it hard and frightening to lean on my mom here or anyone. I fear draining and negatively impacting them. So I tried to keep this to myself by drawing too. However, there's more stress that's in this situation. I cannot get professional help soon.
Is it really bad to feel upset about this? I didn't get help or discontinued earlier because I thought that the deppression wasn't there or that this wasn't real anymore. I thought that I was the one to blame and went back and forward with 'is this even severe'. In the end, I feel selfish for feeling bad about not being able to see anyone soon.
Thank you for your bravery in writing this post. I know it's hard to reach out when you are feeling depression. Here at 7cups, we try to be as non judgemental and empathetic as possible and from what I've noticed in this forum that remains the case. You are completly valid in feeling upset. Depression is so tricky because it likes to play games with us and tell us that we're at fault but it's not your fault. It also can come in cycles at times as well. So it's probably like that you were feeling better and doing better. I'm glad that you have writing and drawing as coping skills. It's so good to have a creative outlet. You know yourself best, so if you feel like you need to go back and get help, go for it. There's no shame in it at all. If and when you ever feel comfortable reaching out to a listener, my inbox is always open. Good luck on your journey. You deserve to be at peace with your depression.
@blueocean45
Thank you so much for taking the time to hear me out and reply. It means so much to me.
I'll do just that then.
I hope you're having or will have a great day.
I hope that things get better.
@ambitiousTalker2046
Thank you so much for your concern.
I hope so too.
@Starryhugs from what i can gather, youre issues come mostly from a toxic relationship with youre family,wich is not uncommon at all since a lot of families develop a sort of a co-dependence where they ask things from each other without being nice or greatful as they would from a friend, but just because being blood related gives you a right. if you feel at all unapreciated it is coming from that place,wich is why it is important to work on youre relationships in life without seeking approval or gratitude. you are youre own person and people should see you as you are rather than what they wish you would be. depression has its ups and downs, and aggravates the more you dont communicate to people about who you truly are.
@Ylina
Understood. Thank you.
@Starryhugs Hi. I'm just replying because your post personally hit home. First of all, I'd like you to know that it's definitely not your fault; and it's not considered being selfish for putting your health first.. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through what you did - and depressionc an definitely be draining and it can be confusing; almost as if we lose ourselves in it sometimes. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always here :) <3
@carefreeWords70
Thank you so much..
