StealYourThyme Member Profile

...See more Im struggling to figure out whats going on in my relationship. A little background: Ive been dating a man (Im 26, hes 42) for nearly two years. It is my second relationship ever. We moved in together in August. I have a four year old daughter from my previous relationship (we were married for two years, he initiated the divorce, I slowly came to realize how emotionally abusive he was, I was single for two years after the divorce before meeting my current boyfriend). My boyfriend considers her his daughter and she loves him very much. Everything up until the last four or five months has been wonderful. We were in a long distance relationship (me in OR, him in CA) and he visited every other week. He moved up to OR and we moved in together. Since about January, he seems to be losing interest in me. Affection (physical and verbal) is drastically reduced, he frequently seems annoyed with me over minor things (he responds in condescending tones to things I say), he definitely doesnt seem to enjoy my company the way he used to. In October he was diagnosed with gout in his ankle and basically bedridden for a few weeks, and suffered another attack that lasted from Thanksgiving to a week or so after Christmas and also made him basically bedridden. He has since started a medication and had no more attacks. During his attacks, I took care of everything for our home and family, and ran my business. I am the main breadwinner as he has been unemployed since moving in together (he receives unemployment and is able to cover our groceries and the Internet bill while I pay rent and other bills). Well, I was very overwhelmed and stressed by all this and became somewhat depressed (still functional and fulfilling all of my responsibilities). That is when it felt like he began to pull away from me. I have had two or three conversations with him expressing that I need more positive praise/hugs/etc, less criticism/condescending remarks, and that I feel like he does not like being around me anymore. Somehow these conversations always end with him explaining how important a spotless house is to him and how I can clean xyz more efficiently. A few nights ago I brought it up again and he told me I need to be more likable and then hell feel like giving more affection. He wants me to smile more and not be moody. I feel stuck and emotionally abandoned. Im trying to pretend Im cheerful all the time now because I just dont know what else to do. Is what he said normal or out of line? Since my only other relationship was abusive, its so hard for me to know whats typical and what, if anything, isnt right. Am I expecting too much from him? Does my need for support from him mean I have Daddy issues?

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