Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Strawberrishouts
676 M Embraced 5
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2016 Member sinceOctober 7, 2015
Bio
Recent forum posts
Strawberrishouts profile picture
i know it was rape but my partner wouldnt call it that so im ashamed
Trauma Support / by Strawberrishouts
Last post
 November 9th, 2015
...See more Triggers perhaps? Soo I had a boyfriend around this time last year and we had been going out for about nine months... during that time he was constantly pressuring me for sex and calling me weird and making me feel broken when i told him i didnt want to and always pushed me a bit too far. There were a couple of occasions where that happened and i would go off crying and he would come to me saying that hes sorry it wont happen again and that he was the broken one- to which i always said it was my fault for not wanting to do anything... it was just all he ever thought about and i felt like thats all he ever wanted. When I had finally given in after months of nagging, it was shit to put it bluntly. I didnt enjoy it, it didnt feel nessecary but obviously i faked and told him it was wonderful amazing. Then we went to a party i got a bit too drunk and he stayed over at mine for the night where he forced himself off me. I kept telling him to stop and gently pushing him off i felt disgusting and not like a real grilfriend. That happened again where i kept telling him to stop but he wouldnt for a while. This has really screwed me up, and i feel broken like a failure and unclean and like its all my fault as well. I should have pushed harder. But the thing that really makes me sad is that he might not even remember this/ think it was a big deal/ or regard it as rape. It is effectig every aspect of my life but he is most likely walking around like nothing happened and that what hurts the most. He dumped me a bit after that because i was making him feel bad - his words- but all i can think is that he got the sex out of me that he wanted and i was used and thrown away. i suck.
Search more from @Strawberrishouts
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
13 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Bundled Strong Bond I
Report an issue