StrugglingToPassMyGCES Member Profile

...See more (warning- longer than intended) I just wanted to say that the one of the only reasons I haven't tried to kill myself yet is procrastination. I know that (for me at least) when you are very depressed nothing you used to care about matters. Your friends and family are so insignificant. They don't care about you. Why would they? And even if they did, it doesn't matter. One day they'll find new friends. One day you won't be important to them. Everything is just so dull. There's no excitement or joy anymore, and life just doesn't feel like it's worth living. This numbness can last from hours to weeks- I generally find that the worse a depressive episode is, the shorter it is (thankfully). Though I rarely notice time when I'm having a bad depressive episode- for some time slows, but I just feel disconnected. Anyway, procrastination helps me, (and anxiety I guess), because when I want to commit suicide and feel like I can't wait any longer, I tell myself that I've waited this long, so I can hold on two more years- so that I will have left my friends behind, because I'd upset them if I died now. I want as few people as possible to be affected by my death. Okay now I'll just put info about myself- don't feel like you need to read this. I've only been dealing with this depression for about 4 years now, and social anxiety for as long as I can remember- I've had no therapy yet, as I'm to socially anxious to tell anyone about my social anxiety (stupid I know).

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