Summerbreeze3829 Member Profile

...See more Since my early teenage years I have found it quite difficult to make friends & strong connections with people for 2 reasons: Firstly, Ive always felt very awkward around new people as I dont know how to start or maintain a flowing conversation since Im not much of a talker. As a result, I really dislike going to places where I have to mingle. I get so stressed out thinking about what I can talk about before I get there and while Im talking to someone Im more preoccupied with what Im going to say next to avoid an awkward silence rather than being present and listening. Ironically, I enjoy being invited to social gatherings as it gives me the option of deciding not to go because not being invited makes me feel rejected, and rejection is another longstanding issue of mine. My fear of rejection means that I dont often initiate social catch-ups or host parties. If someone doesnt reply to my message or is unable to attend my event, I take it personally and as a result I sabotage my relationship with that person by never contacting them again or ignoring them. I know this is unhealthy but I cant stop myself from doing it. I envy people who have many close friends & who gets asked many times to be a bridesmaid. Ive never been asked once to be a bridesmaid and for my own wedding I didnt feel like I had anyone to ask. It sucks to feel like a loner and I wish it wasnt the case.

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