Sunshine42025 Member Profile

...See more In January, I ended my 16 year relationship with my fiance. This was a result of years of not being as happy as I knew I could be and feeling like I was missing emotional and physical connection. I felt like it was easier to do when external factors reminded me of how much happier I can be and the different love I can receive from someone else. In October, I began an affair with a married man. We connected so quickly and fell in love fast. We thought we were each others soulmates. It was intense and consuming daily between talking on the phone. We became so connected to each others lives. I felt like it was possible to do because I was alone a lot. My finance was either not physically around or just not involved in my day. I was alone and my affair partner provided what I was lacking. We were both respectful of each others relationships and agreed that we would only leave our relationships for ourselves and not for each other. We knew we both could be happier. We talked about dreams of being together in the future. We couldn’t get enough of each other. After I left my fiance, my affair soon after brought up divorce with his wife. He was convinced he wanted it and it wasn’t for me but only for him. Eventually, living a double life was taking a toll on him and he feared what he would lose from a divorce, financially and his daughter. He didn’t want his wife to discover the affair either. We tried to part ways in February so that he could focus on his marriage, but after 3 days he came back saying he couldn’t lose me. We continued for another month with intense emotions. Just last week, he told me he couldn’t be consumed with me anymore and that he needed to focus on himself and his family. He sent it via message. I was absolutely torn. We connected 2 weeks later and he reminded me that he had to cut ties but also said he loves me and he thinks I’m his person, it’s just wrong timing. The pain that kept coming every time we connected and he cut me off. He ended up blocking me on social media, as well as my friends and family, which they didn’t know about him and he didn’t follow on social media. This is all hitting me very hard and is extremely painful. I’m feeling completely alone at the loss of both men. I’m extremely hurt that my affair partner went from one extreme of love to just cutting ties so quickly and coldly. I’m also struggling with how I left my fiancé. I knew my relationship with him was unhealthy before I met my affair partner and I always felt I deserved more, but not that my affair is over, I can’t help but question and hurt over how being consumed with my affair partner enabled me to abandon my relationship with my fiancé even though I do believe it helped me realize I deserved better. But now I’m so hurt and feel so disposed of by my affair partner and want my fiancé back- and maybe only because I feel at a complete loss. I’m so lonely and conflicted, and hurting about my decisions and how I’ve been treated by both men.

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