Im a mother of 5... And grieving the death of one. I have 3 daughters ages 4 5 and 10 and a son 17 months... And my first son who passed would be 2 right now. Im struggling trying to maintain my depression and anxiety so i can still be a mommy for my other beautiful babies. Im struggling with the reason why i was gifted with such a beautiful little man... And then he was ripped away... Cardiac arrhythmia... He was soo strong... I actually feel weaker then he ever was during his 2 1/2 months of life... I really need help... Or need to accept what happend... He was on a three hour feed schedule... 12 3 6 9 etc. At 3 am he was so happy and then... All i know is ill never forget the sight i saw when i found him at 6 am to feed him.. In his bassinet... His skin was blue as the sky i tried cpr... While my fiance called 911... They tried resusicitating him for 1 hr and 40 min... Nothing happened... So at that point i lost my son.. My daughters lost there brother, and their mother... And im still not the mom i was... I dont think ill ever be.