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TakeMe2TheMoon
147 M Embraced 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceAugust 14, 2020
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TW! TW! TW! I feel crazy!!
Trauma Support / by TakeMe2TheMoon
Last post
 August 14th, 2020
...See more Im so lost. I feel insane. TW! Ill try to keep it as simple as possible. I have extensive history of sexual abuse trauma. Starting at 4y/o. Ive gone through years of trauma therapy, residential treatment, detox 3x & rehab 2x. I have been diagnosed with: complex PTSD; Depersonalization /Derealization disorder; anxiety; severe depressive disorder; & drug dependency. Triggers occasionally cause symptoms now, But not like what it use to be. Thats a very generic back story to better understand the now. My boyfriend & i have been together for 18mos. He knows my history. 3 nights ago we argued & he was angry w/ me. He wanted sex before bed, which I consented to. But it was different than any other time. He was rough. Slapping me. Correcting me about the argument. After a short time, he decided that he wanted anal intercourse. No warning, no warm up, very aggressive, very rough. I told him he was hurting me, said stop, no, even tried pushing him off. He said "i didnt say you get to speak to me!" Then got on my legs & held my hands behind my back so i couldnt move. I cried & begged for him to stop. He didn't. This caused flashbacks & detachment from reality. When i asked him why the next day, he said he didn't know he hurt me. That he didn't hear me. He did it out of love, & thought i wanted it. Said I never told him to stop, & i need to stop making him feel bad. He denies it all & thinks I'm unfair to question the relationship. I feel like i don't know whats real
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