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Tasha2319
742 M Little Steps
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts64 Forum posts22 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceMarch 29, 2021
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36 F married with 2 kids. In USA

Recent forum posts
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I have no life
Relationship Stress / by Tasha2319
Last post
 May 23rd, 2021
...See more My husband is afraid that if I find friends and start going out then I will have no time for him. He says he will be my Wednesday Man since I will have all my time scheduled with the various new friends. It doesn't matter how much I tell him that I want to be with him the majority of the time he doesn't believe it. We've been together 22 years and only spend time apart when he has business or I've attended a funeral. He prefers we have the same friends together so we never have to separate and feels like I am rejecting him when I say I want something on my own, separate. He says thats the first step to living separate lives and he's just a port I occasionally visit.
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Impossible Situation or am I the one in the Wrong?
Relationship Stress / by Tasha2319
Last post
 May 21st, 2021
...See more Today I wasn't feeling so good and in a car I waz a bit distant. We just come back from a doctor's visit because my husband had broken his arm. Hey asks me what's going on and I kind of brush it off because I suddenly start getting some text messages about work and I handle those instead. He asks If I want to go out for lunch and I say no I really rather go home. This is very unusual of me, I usually like to go out even when I'm feeling low. So he gets very disgruntled because it means that hes going to have to figure out what eat when we get home and how to cut it because he can't cut it with one hand. I tell him that it's OK I will cut the food for him he just needs let me know what it is he wants to eat and he starts getting all sullen and saying he'll just have a bowl of cereal. I tell him it's not a big deal and if he isn't ready to eat right away and I end up working because I work from home he can ask our daughter who is home sick. He says he doesn't want to deal with the aggravation of asking for help. We end up arguing and I end up crying after he brings up something I said in the past that I've repeatedly apologized for. I am upset he won't forgive me. He says if I won't forgive myself what's the point in him forgiving me since I will just keep asking for reassurance all the time? I try to explain and he interrupted, giving me his interpretation of what I said. I say wait, that's not what i said,, and he's like "Yes it is! Can't I just explain why you're being unfair?" And I was angry. I didn't get to finish my explanation and he wasn't understanding me. I told him NO, YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME, YOU AREN'T UNDERSTANDING WHAT I SAID. I'd previously said "I don't need to believe it in order for you to forgive me, but you do need to forgive me for me to believe it." So he said I was saying he can't forgive me BECAUSE I don't believe it. That i was actively preventing his forgiveness. No, he had it wrong and wouldn't let me explain. So he says forget it, this conversation is going nowhere because you won't let me speak. Then he gets out of the car (we'd been sitting in the driveway) and leaves me crying. Then i try to text him I need space and am going to the store. I taps on my window and says "I won't read your text" so I crack it open and say it instead. He asks if I want him to come along and I said I need the space. When I get back he accuses me of rejecting him and pushing him away. Is he right? Edited by Asher, 6/21/21
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Impossible Situation
35 & Over Community / by Tasha2319
Last post
 May 21st, 2021
...See more My husband recently broke his arm. I told him he needs to start asking for help. When I or others try to help he gets frustrated that we help him wrong. BUT he says he can't ask for help because it will build resentment. This is because he has a chronic illness and at one of my low points I told him I resented the fact that I lost my 20s and half my 30s being his caretaker. It was insensitive of me and I've apologized, but he doesn't believe me and continues to see my mistakes at helping as a half assed help, because I resent being a caretaker. He has now extended this to our 14 year old daughter when she tries to help. He refuses therapy because he thinks they will tell him he is the problem, not us.
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Codependency After Illness Ends
Relationship Stress / by Tasha2319
Last post
 May 17th, 2021
...See more For several years (like 8) my husband was very ill. He had multiple surgeries and nearly died several times. Although he was still working and to others he seemed much better, it fell to me to be his caretaker, for want of a better word. I made special meals to help his healing, I took care of bandages and cleaning of the wounds. I administered medicine and coordinated doctor's visits and often had to drive. We had young children and I also had to take care of them more so than him because he was often very ill or recovering from surgery. I also had a job. He has only recently, in the last 2 or so years, been well. Almost as soon as he had a 1 year of no relapse and been cleared as in remission I basically had a breakdown. I had to quit my job because I was too emotionally drained and kept having outbursts. I now work online so I can take breaks if I am overwhelmed or turn off the camera. I am beginning to feel extremely suffocated. My husband can now do more things than when he was sick and he has been trying to take me out. However.... I want to do things on my own. Without him. This hurts his feelings a LOT. While he was sick my mother encouraged me to leave him alone in the hospital and just go live my life. I refused and am 100% certain he wouldn't have made it through his illness if I hadn't been there, particularly when hospital staff kept giving him the wrong medication, meds he was allergic to, and I stopped them multiple times. I've tried to explain my need for independence to him but he keeps seeing it as a rejection of him and worries I'm going to realize how much better life is without him. This just isn't true. I want to get away specifically so I can appreciate my time with him more. Ive spent nearly a decade of our relationship seeing him as someone I have to care for. Ive lost ME. He is afraid that if I find myself that person will be someone who doesn't want or care about him or the kids. It hurts that he takes it to such an extreme. That my need for independence would be seen as a selfish rejection of my husband and children. My family has belittled me for years that I can't do anything on my own, I need my husband, who persevered through his illness, to take care of me. None of them saw what I did. I just want to be responsible for JUST ME, for like a week. Just a little hiatus. I'd be going to use my mother in law's house while she is away. I'm still working but I'd be eating alone and could go out on my own without worrying I'm leaving someone else behind. He is really struggling. He even asked me if I need a "pass" in case I meet someone. Ive never had sex with anyone but him and he is worried I'm going to cheat. He worries I'm going to refuse to come home. Hes afraid ill need multiple trips a year and this will take away from our family vacations money or that i will drain that money entirely for myself. Ive never done anything so selfish............We are doing the Gottman book and he won't do the exercises that explore his childhood or imagine the legacy he wants to leave when he dies. He said I'm asking him to step in front of a firing squad. I know there is deep seated abandonment issues here. He won't face them and I dont know what to do.
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Gottman Method
Healthy Living / by Tasha2319
Last post
 April 3rd, 2021
...See more Anyone have any experience fixing their marriage while depressed? What did you do and have you heard of John Gottman? I convinced ky husband to watch a nice long video where he talked about the steps to make marriage work. The BEST part is this guy is a scientist, not a therapist, so he was able to explain that these weren't his opinions, these were empirical FACTS that they discovered while studying couples. My husband tends to not respond to philosophy and is always asking for the proof. I finally found some. It amazed me how many things were things I'd asked him to try doing that he'd originally said were stupid.
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What happens when the issue is more important than your marriage?
Depression Support / by Tasha2319
Last post
 April 17th, 2021
...See more I keep fighting with my husband because I don't like how he treats our daughters. He doesn't demonstrate respect for their thoughts, feelings, personal space or property. He interrupts them, tells them they're wrong, physically blocks them from leaving when they are too upset to keep talking/arguing and he has, on 2 occasions, broken something of theirs "accidentally" as a form of punishment. This is what we fight most about. He is upset they don't show him respect and repeatedly says it's because they are emulating MY behavior. I do not respect him when he acts this way and he tells me I'm abusive by saying such hurtful things. He says its my depression that is warping my version of reality and that what I think is happening isn't true. I'm overreacting to my interpretations instead of considering the facts. I dont know what to do. I do not want a divorce. We have seen a marriage counselor and she just said "be patient with your spouse." I'm all out of patience.
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My husband's stress is escalating my depression
35 & Over Community / by Tasha2319
Last post
 April 28th, 2021
...See more My husband is helping his mom with her finances and OMG... his level of frustration keeps escalating and it is really stressing me out... every time he helps her she has the same issues. I keep looking at him and telling him to breathe before he responds to her but so far he isn't breathing enough. He walks around the house to release his energy so there's no place i can go to ignore it.
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