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Tealplum85
1,600 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts63 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 26, 2020
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I guess I will never know, and it hurt
Relationship Stress / by Tealplum85
Last post
 September 29th, 2021
...See more I was looking for a dance partner, and I went on this particular site for dance enthusiasts, and I found a guy who said that he was also looking for a partner as well. We started talking about dancing and dance related activities. When I first saw his picture, I received a jilt in my body. As we kept on talking, he declared to me that he liked me. He several times said that he often thought about what it would be like to be married to me. He several times swore that he was single, didn’t have a girlfriend, fiancée, and/or wife. According to the city that he said that he lives in, we don’t live far from each other. He would every morning send a text to wish me the best possible day. He wasn’t a great conversationalist, but I was willing to overlook that and many other things that I found faulty with him during those texting sessions. I’ve also let him know that since I am single, I would not mind dating since he is interested. We texted everyday for more than 6 solid months. Not once did he suggest that we meet. I’ve have suggested several times even just for 5 minutes. He always had an excuse: he was very busy with work (I can understand that I work too), the virus (well, let me see: you go to work every day, you interact with people every day to and from work; you go to business meetings; you’re not in quarantine; you travel to see your “mother”, and I am certain that since you are a man you are hooking up to take care of those so-called “needs”; YET you cannot meet with me because of the virus ” I couldn’t believe that. I found that to be a total excuse. I even explained to him why I wanted to meet him in person. I said, “You may not like me when you see me, and I may not like you when I see you. It’s best if we get that out of the way early on before we invest too much time and develop feeling for someone that we have not met in person.” Again, he pulled out the workload card. We talked on the phone only once in six months or more, and it was because I asked for it. I’ve never heard of a guy who passionately like a woman and doesn’t want to talk on the phone sometimes, and who is pushing for a VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIP and texting only. Once, I even suggested that he called me to kiss me on the phone. He agreed zealously to the idea and told me what an exciting woman that I was, BUT when the time and hour came, the phone call never made it through the line. The next day he didn’t have the curtesy to offer an explanation. So I point blank asked what happened to our meeting appointment. He said, “Of course you know I passed out on the couch after eating and having a long day at work.” I was having an explosion 💥 in my brain saying to myself, “What!!!!! ‘Of course, I didn’t know that you passed out on the couch.’ All the same you could have have the decency to apologize for not calling as you said that you would.” I sat down and analyzed all of this events and statements, and even the picture (I said the picture because I asked him to send me a video of him dancing in the past, and for the life of him he couldn’t find the “particular” video that he wanted to send me, so I never received one. I asked him to send me a picture of him making a silly face, but of course he couldn’t do it, so he send me a picture of a person walking with a cap 🧢 on) , and concluded that perhaps 🤔 he his a married man who is looking for excitement and poses on the internet as a person looking for a dance partner. If that’s the case, it really hurt my feelings that he thinks that I could be his entertainment tool outside his marriage; that he has no regards for my feelings and peace of mind as I had for his. Every way I turned the whole thing in my head, it came to the same conclusion that this guy is a liar 🤥. So I stopped talking with him because I wasn’t going to be anybody’s side chick. However, the whole thing hurt, especially, since it happened after the last guy who pursued me for a year from work turned out to be a cheater while he swore the whole time that he was living with a male roommate. I feel really devastated that I’ll never know for sure if he were indeed a liar or just that he was really swamped with work. He said that he was a sensitive person, and I believe him, but I guess that I was wrong.
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Why did you do it
Relationship Stress / by Tealplum85
Last post
 September 18th, 2021
...See more Two years ago, I met this guy at work. From the moment he met me, he showed interest I think to be my friend, or at least to get to know me. That day, I took one good look at him and said to myself, “This guy is a player.” So for twelve months he kept on asking me out, and I kept on saying that I was too busy to see him, but some times we crossed paths at work or we work together for long periods of time. Nevertheless, when we were not at work, we talked through text. And through all our conversations, I told him repeatedly that I don’t play games because these kinds of things get people hurt, and that I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I certainly didn’t want anybody to hurt me. Finally, last year, after starting a new job, he asked, and I agreed for him to come and visit me because I said to myself no player would be so tenacious and patient, he might be a good guy after all. I guess I reasoned thus because of the Covid-19 lockdown we were having and feeling extra compassionate. Well, he came to visit me, and the next day during our conversations through text, he said that he wasn’t sure. And I thought, “What!!! this is not the first time you’re seeing me. We’ve spent lots of time working together. I am not any different than from when I am at work, so how can this be.” I felt very hurt. I said to myself “If you were not sure, why did you ask to come in the first place.” A month later, he asked to visit me again, but this time he came with the intention to sleep with me. So I asked him point blank, what are we. He then told me that if I am looking for a boyfriend, he cannot be my boyfriend but he can be my lover. So I asked him, “Do you have a girlfriend right now?” He reluctantly answered yes that he has a girlfriend. I was stunned. “What, how can you have a girlfriend and come here, and more than that, with the intention to sleep with me.” I burst into tears and kicked him out of my apartment. I never spoke with him again even though he tried for six months afterward to make contact with me. However, the whole thing threw me into a severe depression that comes and goes. I found out that he was actually married. I got really sick. To this day the whole thing bothers me. How can men be so cruel. I don’t know if it’s because I am getting close to the date when the situation occurred, I kept on thinking about him and actually missing texting with him and feeling very angry at him for treating me so.
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