Why did you do it

Two years ago, I met this guy at work. From the moment he met me, he showed interest I think to be my friend, or at least to get to know me. That day, I took one good look at him and said to myself, “This guy is a player.” So for twelve months he kept on asking me out, and I kept on saying that I was too busy to see him, but some times we crossed paths at work or we work together for long periods of time. Nevertheless, when we were not at work, we talked through text. And through all our conversations, I told him repeatedly that I don’t play games because these kinds of things get people hurt, and that I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I certainly didn’t want anybody to hurt me.

Finally, last year, after starting a new job, he asked, and I agreed for him to come and visit me because I said to myself no player would be so tenacious and patient, he might be a good guy after all. I guess I reasoned thus because of the Covid-19 lockdown we were having and feeling extra compassionate. Well, he came to visit me, and the next day during our conversations through text, he said that he wasn’t sure. And I thought, “What!!! this is not the first time you’re seeing me. We’ve spent lots of time working together. I am not any different than from when I am at work, so how can this be.” I felt very hurt. I said to myself “If you were not sure, why did you ask to come in the first place.” A month later, he asked to visit me again, but this time he came with the intention to sleep with me. So I asked him point blank, what are we. He then told me that if I am looking for a boyfriend, he cannot be my boyfriend but he can be my lover. So I asked him, “Do you have a girlfriend right now?” He reluctantly answered yes that he has a girlfriend. I was stunned. “What, how can you have a girlfriend and come here, and more than that, with the intention to sleep with me.” I burst into tears and kicked him out of my apartment.

I never spoke with him again even though he tried for six months afterward to make contact with me. However, the whole thing threw me into a severe depression that comes and goes. I found out that he was actually married. I got really sick. To this day the whole thing bothers me. How can men be so cruel.

I don’t know if it’s because I am getting close to the date when the situation occurred, I kept on thinking about him and actually missing texting with him and feeling very angry at him for treating me so.