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TheGentleOakListens
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PathStep 14 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceJune 3, 2026
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Stressed about my boyfriend's unemployment
Relationship Stress / by TheGentleOakListens
Last post
 June 7th
...See more I'm stressed about my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 2 years now, and he moved states to live with me last year. He's been living with me just over 9 months. This entire time, he's been unemployed, which is the source of my stress. He was trying to get into day trading for the first months, but even when it wasn't working out, he didn't start looking for work until I expressed concern over his unemployment around 5-6 months in. I had agreed to take care of bills for about that long. Since then, he's searched for work to no avail. He almost got a job as a salesman, but it had ridiculous hours (12+ hour days, 6 days a week, pay based fully on commission) and so he didn't stick with it. We also want to have a work/life balance because our goal is to start a family someday, and it was going to be impossible with that job. Today, a month later, he started a new job. He came home and said he still hadn't figured out the schedule or asked anyone about pay, time off, or literally anything. He has zero info other than it's 8-5pm with lots of overtime. Somebody there alluded to there being no days off, and that's all my boyfriend found out. I'm very frustrated because I don't understand how he could fail to obtain such basic information when the last job he tried didn't work out because of the lack of a work/life balance and consistent pay. He says he wants to marry me and build a life together, and he wants to be consistent towards that so we can have a family, yet he doesn't ask the most basic questions of his employers to know whether a job is even right for him. He took half a year to start looking for work. No concern about my financial situation. Minimal effort in applying for jobs (he wouldn't even call or follow up). He's 32, going to be 33 next month. Unemployed. Been living rent free for 9 months. I covered all the bills while he mostly played video games all that time. I'm so deeply frustrated and at my wits' end. I told him 2 weeks ago that if he doesn't have a job by August (marks a year from when he first moved in), he either needs to join a trade school or go back to his home state. I feel so stupid for having taken care of him for so long with minimal effort on his part. I just feel like an idiot, and even still, I see us being able to build a life together if he finds a decent job. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated. I don't know what to do.
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