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Turtle2016
7,710 M Moving Along 7
PathStep 112 Compassion hearts118 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceMay 26, 2016
Bio

A lost turtle trying to find a path and direction for life while journeying through depression and combating suicidal ideation.
Currently I'm dealing with a complicate situation in life, hoping to build an on-line support network at 7 Cups to help me weather through the the incoming storm and come out stronger...

Recent forum posts
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Seeking empathic/non-judgmental listener, possible long-term – depression, self-esteem, relationship issues
General Support / by Turtle2016
Last post
 June 27th, 2016
...See more Hi, Im a female in my late 30s. I have a life-long history in dealing with depression and suicidal ideation (which had a lot to do with my early experiences in childhood/teen years). I had been quite stable and was free of depression and suicidal thoughts during the past 2-3 years till recently. Recently something serious and complicate happened (its about a very complicate/forbidden relationship Im in), and it has drastically changed my current life and destroyed my main and only mental health support source that I find myself starting to have depression symptoms again and they are getting worse as day goes by. Because of the nature of this forbidden relationship, I can't talk about it with mental health professionals in my former mental health support system. Therefore I seek support in 7 Cups, hoping to build a reliable support systems to help me weather through the storm. The qualities of the listeners that is helpful to me: Mature in heart and mind (due to the complexity of my situation, I need someone with maturity to understand the decision and choices I made without placing judgment on me.) Empathic, compassionate, encouraging, non-judgmental (since I struggle with low self-esteem and tend to be very self-critical, I need someone to help me counter the negative thinking and to accept me just as I am.) Wont overreact to suicidal talks (since suicidal ideation is such a big part in my depression, it will occur when Im in severe depressive state. Talking about it helps to release some inner stress. One thing I can promise is the listeners never need to worry about me being in immediate danger while Im chatting with them, since Ive never acted on impulse and dont do suicide threat. Reliable, available and willing to commit to be there for me (since ‘quality time is my primary love language [what made me felt being cared], able to schedule regular chat [e.g. once a week] or checking on me from time to time will help me develop emotional connection and accountability, and help me feel not being all alone in my suffering –which is crucial in helping me fight off depression/suicidal ideation.) Long-term preferred (since I experienced a lot of abandonment in my life, knowing that the listener will not just disappear on me would help me develop a sense of trust and security, and keep me grounded) Respect my religious belief and choices (I used to be a committed Christian and faith was very important to me in the past; then I got hurt by good-willed Christians, turned away from my Christian faith, and now are thinking about returning back to God again… Christian guidance are welcomed, as long as not to condemn or place moral judgment on me; value more on ‘being kind than ‘being right. ) My time zone is EST, but since Im a night owl and have a very flexible schedule, anytime is fine with me. Thank you for reading it and looking forward to hearing from you if you think you can provide me the kind of support Im looking for.
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Is there such a rule that 'illegal relationship can't be discussed in 7 Cups'?
Safety & Knowledge at 7 Cups / by Turtle2016
Last post
 May 30th, 2016
...See more I'm a new member. Last night while I was chatting with a listener about a complicate/forbidden relationship I'm in, he suddenly told me that he had to close the chat because speaking about an illegal relationship would make him become partaking in something illegal, and recommended me to seek legal resources. I was shocked, as I'd never known there was such a rule here, but I just said 'OK' and ended it. After the chat ended, I cried a lot (well, I was already very moody and anxious before the chat started), overwhlemed by tremondous guilt and shame, because his reaction was exactly why I had kept it as a secret during the past 4 years till 4 days ago when I found 7 Cups by accident and started to talk about it with some listeners here. Yes, it is an illeagal relationship, that's why I couldn't talk about it with my mental health support system or anyone in real life, afraid that they will take legal action against the so called 'perportrator if they know about it'. If his talking/listening to me talking about this 'illegal relationship' is partaking something illegal, what does it say about me who choose to remain in this relationship? A criminal??? Have I been violateing the rule here by talking about it with other listeners in the past few days? Thus, my first thought was to leave 7 Cups quietly (my habit of being a turtle) and never talked about it with others again, as I didn't want to violate the policy here. I took a couple hours of break, came back after I was calmer, and started to reflect on this incident. Something doesn't feel right. Yes, this is an illegal relationship, but base on the law, I'm the victim in this relationship. If the victims of the abuse are not allowed to talk about it at all, how can we expect them to generate the courage to take further actions to change their situations??? To me, that doesn't make sense at all to have such policy in place here. Therefore, I write this post, hopeing someone let me know if there is such a rule here. If so, I appologize for violating the rule without knowing, and promise that I'll not talk about that issue in here again. On a side note, here is my plea to all the wonderful, warm-hearted listeners: I truly appreciate and admire you for volunteering your time, heart and energy to reach out to members in need. It is not an easy task to share the burden others are carrying, and at times it can be very emotional draining or even triggering. Thank you for taking the risk to do this meaningful work. I understand that there may be time that listeners need to end the conversation prematurely, whether it is because they are not comfortable with the topics or it is against their personal beliefs or for whatever reasons. That's completely understandable and acceptable, even necessary. But please, when you end it, end it with empathy and compassion, put yourself in the member's shoes and think about how the other person may feel by the way you end it, because you never know what the other person has been/is going through, and how much courage needed for them to open up to you on a difficult issue. While members may not/should not be suicidal here, they are still vunerable, or they wouldn't be here seeking support. The way you end the chat can have very different results. I would like to quote a listener's words here, [I'm not sure if this is considered as a violation of sharing a chat detail, if so, please remove it from the post. I include it because this is exactly what I meant by ending it with empathy and compassion; and that I feel the listener deserves the credit and the praise for being such a wonderful and compassionate listener!!!] "I can refer you to another listener that I trust if it is ok with you. I don't want you to feel that I don't care or don't want to help you. I just want you to get the best support you can get at this point. And unfortunately I don't think I can provide that right now." Thank you for being such an angel with a gentle spirit, and for letting me know that you ended the conversation because you truly care about me!!! Edited by Eunoia to remove username
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