Vaantora Member Profile

...See more I hope you are well today. I downloaded the app and decided to join the forum after something troubling happened today. You see, my mom has attempted to get me therapy since middle school. I am 25 now, female. I recently graduated with my Master's, living with my fiance. But with all the talk about those who fake their illnesses or believe something that is not there, it leaves me to wonder if I am truly depressed at all, or if I'm just kidding myself. It's been a rollar coaster of emotions since my birth control ran out (helps stabilize your hormones and all that) but I feel it's something more. I am always a bit tired; not too much for cause of alarm, but enough to make normally uneventful days miserable. Getting up in the morning is excruciatingly hard, as if the act of existing is painful. Most of all, I am rarely happy anymore. Even doing the things I love (such as animating) saps my energy. I will live stream, upbeat and talking to my viewers, and suddenly a wave of sadness will wash over me and I have to stop. Suicidal thoughts have returned as well. What made me join the app was today when I received a notice that I got accepted at a REAL job, a higher paying one that would replace the miserable, factory-like one I'm at now. I felt a thing of happiness then... Nothing. In fact, I felt sad, and my brain became filled with doubt. I just can't find the strength to be happy anymore about anything. I want to be happy, but I physically cannot.

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