Decided I Need Help
I hope you are well today. I downloaded the app and decided to join the forum after something troubling happened today. You see, my mom has attempted to get me therapy since middle school. I am 25 now, female. I recently graduated with my Master's, living with my fiance. But with all the talk about those who fake their illnesses or believe something that is not there, it leaves me to wonder if I am truly depressed at all, or if I'm just kidding myself. It's been a rollar coaster of emotions since my birth control ran out (helps stabilize your hormones and all that) but I feel it's something more. I am always a bit tired; not too much for cause of alarm, but enough to make normally uneventful days miserable. Getting up in the morning is excruciatingly hard, as if the act of existing is painful. Most of all, I am rarely happy anymore. Even doing the things I love (such as animating) saps my energy. I will live stream, upbeat and talking to my viewers, and suddenly a wave of sadness will wash over me and I have to stop. Suicidal thoughts have returned as well. What made me join the app was today when I received a notice that I got accepted at a REAL job, a higher paying one that would replace the miserable, factory-like one I'm at now. I felt a thing of happiness then... Nothing. In fact, I felt sad, and my brain became filled with doubt. I just can't find the strength to be happy anymore about anything. I want to be happy, but I physically cannot.
@Vaantora
Hey!! First of all, I am glad you decided to join 7cups and share this with us, welcome to 7cups and Depression Support Subcommunity! Things doesnt seem to be going that well for you, emotionally and it can be quite hard. *Hugs* (If you are okay with virtual hugs) And can I just say how big of a thing it is to just take a step and realize that you maybe need some help? So, really really proud of you! And congratulations for a new job. Do let us know if there is anything we can do to help. And reading it, one question hit my mind, have you thought of giving therapy a try? (I dont mean to say you should, just if you have thought of it because sometimes, we do think we are faking it and it might be very real, being sure might be helpful?)
@River Hello and thank you for the warm welcome! :) I have indeed thought about therapy, but with such a busy schedule and funds being super tight lately, I just feel like it's something I cannot afford. Three of us living in one apartment in Orlando, all with full time jobs and I with my freelance business, and we're barely holding rent together lol. So I'm starting with the little things. Getting up earlier for cold showers, cutting off my work at midnight, generally trying to eat better. But unfortunately that can all be derailed by sudden sadness and demotivation taking over my mind and body. So I figured a step in a good direction would be to talk to someone, and now here I am. :)
@Vaantora
Hey again!! It is totally reasonable and understandable. And yikes, rents can be super expensive and hard to manage. Its the little things that count! And they all sound like tiny little steps in right direction, and I get how it can be derailed. What you said reminded me of this:
I am glad you decided to talk it out!! How are you finding 7cups so far?
@River It's really nice! I may use the forums more, since I don't get much time to sit and chat. (Plus if I'm being honest with myself, chatting is a little intimidating sometimes.)
@Vaantora I get you. I find forums much more easier because I also get time to think throught what I am writing and suprisingly, helps me become more clear about myself or situations.
Hey there!
I thought I'd type a quick reply because your post reminds me so much of me. I had a period in my life where I went through something quite similar and my saving grace ended up being the new job - so I hope very much it's the same for you!
You mentioned animating, are you an artist? What kind of animation is it that you like to do? I'm so curious.
