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Wxnderlust1987
465 M Embraced 4
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2017 Member sinceAugust 6, 2016
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Trauma Support / by Wxnderlust1987
Last post
 March 31st, 2017
...See more I think I was 8 or 9 years old when it happened to me. my sister and I were sleeping at my uncle's house over the weekend. we used to stay up late with all my cousins, then all of us would sleep in the same room. My big cousin was about 16 years old, I remeber waking up and he was on top of me. he didn't officially rape me, but he fingered, kissed ans touched me. i was too scared to move or yell so i just pretended that i was sleeping. It kept on happeneing everytime i went there. i tried to avoid sleeping at my uncle's house but my sister made me go with her everytime, until he travelled to live in another country. 
 i didn't tell anybody about it, i just kept it all in and tried my hardest to forget about it. when I became 12 years old i couldn't handle the nightmares and the panic attacks anymore, so i told my freind about it, my freind told her mother and her mother told my mother. I remeber my mom being so mad when she found out about what happened. she blamed me, she yelled at me, hit me and told me that it was my fault he did it to me. I was too scared so I lied to her. I told her that he kissed me once and that was all what happened, she was still mad and made me swear not tell anyone about what happened. 
 I'm 16 years old now and nobody knows about it. I can't tell anyone because I don't have any prove about what happened. I'm having nightmares and flashbacks again again. Maybe i deserved it, thats why it happend to me not my sister, thats why my mom blamed me. maybe it was all my fault and i deserve to suffer.
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