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Yes23
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PathStep 11 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2017 Member sinceMay 3, 2015
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I don't know if I should get divorced
Relationship Stress / by Yes23
Last post
 August 14th, 2015
...See more I'm 23 years old. I'm a Mexican. I had a long distance relationship with an American citizen for 4 years. I met him in Mexico, he studied Spanish at the same school I was studying design. We saw each other every 4-5 or 5-6 months. But we talk on skype of facetime almost every day. I though he was the man of my life. I had everything, my family, I studied in France and I traveled, etc. I though I was enough mature. I started to know my boyfriend and many things I didn't like about him, he wasn't mature enough, although when he is 7 years older than I. I tried many times to break up with him and he started to get crazy and make me feel bad. Anyway last year I was sure to break up with him and I went to visit him in California to do it face to face. But I couldn't, he is kind of manipulated, he made me feel horrible for thinking of that, he asked me for another chance, that things will be better. I stayed one month and I tried to make the relationship better. One day he came over me saying "We are going to Hawaii, I got a job there and I already bought the tickets" I didn't know what to say, I felt sad, I didn't want to go, but he convinced me so much, I didn't plan that. During the flight I was crying all the time, I wanted to come back to Mexico, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be with him. When We were living in Waikiki, I tried to be positive and I see my situation as an opportunity to learn. I was in vacation, I visited all the places in Oahu, I did a lot of exercise and I learned Japanese and I read all the books I wanted. After another month the relationship was going pretty good until one day he told me about his financial problems and he asked me for help, he told me we should get married and then I will be able to work legally. I didn't like the idea and he told me "anyway we are going to get marry one day, It does not change anything if we do it now, you would be able to help me, and we are going to make this situation better, you will get a job that pays well, please let's do it". I wasn't sure but I felt sad that I couldn't help him financially talking, I loved him also my relationship was going well and I said why not. When I told my friends and family they got crazy, they didn't want me to get marry, "You are very young", "he is manipulating you, you don't see it but we see it",  I though I was sure... 20 days later we got married in a small ceremony in Waikiki, only my mom, my aunt and an uncle, his best friend and his sister came. Everything was very fast. After my family left I found myself in completely sadness. I tried so hard to see it in a positive way. We went to Immigration service and they asked 1500 dollars to start the process (I knew we had the money) then my new husband told me that he used the money to pay some debts that he didn't expect. I was very angry because he didn't tell me that and he didn't let me to work "under the table". His solution was "wait until I collect the money again".  I lived 5 months in Waikiki, more than 2 months in depression, I knew I did a big mistake, I cried many times, I knew this wasn't like I expected, I thought I ruined my life. My husband tried his best to make me "happy". The last weeks there I cleared my mind, I tried to be positive, "it's better for the moment to come back to Mexico because the period of time that I can stayed in USA got over (6 months)". He didn't collected the money for the process. When I got back to Mexico everything changed. I wanted to stay longer, I was looking for jobs without success, after two months of thinking If I should leave him or not, my family told me that I should come back to USA because "now I'm married and my place is with him."   My husband moved to Utah because he got another job, he claimed to have the money for the immigration process, "you should come back, you will be happier here, the rent is cheaper and everything will be better, you will get a job, and you will get more money than in Mexico".  I felt pressure because my family and my husband's opinions. I came back to USA. I've been here in Utah for one month and a half, and nothing is better, my husband told me the same excuse that he used the money for his debts. He lied to me, and he told me he didn't expect that. I realized that living with him in Utah or in Hawaii or any place won't make me happy. I feel angry with myself, I feel that I'm pretending to be happy with a person I thought I loved. I can't hold his financial problems.I missed many opportunities I could have in Mexico.  I graduated with the best greats and I would be probably better in Mexico, may be studying a Master degree or working. I don't like USA, I don't care about being an American citizen, I just think I'm so stupid for betrayed myself and my personal dreams for this. I'm a stupid housewife lying to myself every time. I'm not happy at all, I think I've been wasting my time, I feel I'm not me anymore, I feel I'm so far of myself. I don't know what to do. Every time I told my husband I want to come back to Mexico he starts to cry and make me feel a horrible person. I have no help from anyone, I don't know anyone here, I can't go with my family because they will think I'm crazy. I want to go back in the past, I don't want this life. Should I continue this life even when I'm not happy?, Should I get a divorce?, Should I leave him and find myself?. Please help me, someone with similar situation?                
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