I don't know if I should get divorced

I'm 23 years old. I'm a Mexican. I had a long distance relationship with an American citizen for 4 years. I met him in Mexico, he studied Spanish at the same school I was studying design. We saw each other every 4-5 or 5-6 months. But we talk on skype of facetimealmost every day. I though he was the man of my life. I had everything, my family, I studied in France and I traveled, etc. I though I was enough mature.

I started to know my boyfriend and many things I didn't like abouthim, he wasn't mature enough, although when he is 7 years older than I. I tried many times to break up with him and he started to get crazy and make me feel bad.Anyway last year I was sureto break up with him and I went to visit him in California to do it face to face.But I couldn't,he is kind ofmanipulated, he made me feel horrible for thinking of that, he asked me for another chance, that things will be better.I stayed one month and I tried to make the relationship better. One day he came over me saying "We are going to Hawaii, I got a job there and I already bought the tickets" I didn't know what to say, I felt sad, I didn't want to go, but he convinced me so much, I didn't plan that. During the flight I was crying all the time, I wanted to come back to Mexico, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be with him. When We were living in Waikiki, I tried to be positive and I see my situation as an opportunity to learn. I was in vacation, I visited all the places in Oahu, I did a lot of exercise and I learnedJapanese andI read all the books I wanted.

After another month the relationship was going pretty good until one day he told meabout his financial problems and he asked me for help, he told me we should get married and then I will be able to work legally. I didn't like the idea and he told me "anyway we are going to get marry one day, Itdoes not change anything if we do it now, you would be able to help me, and we are going to make this situation better, you will get a job that pays well, please let's do it". I wasn't sure but I felt sad that I couldn'thelp him financially talking, I loved him alsomy relationshipwas going well and I said why not. When I told my friends and family they got crazy, they didn't want me to get marry, "You are very young", "he is manipulating you,you don't see it but we see it",I though I was sure...

20 days later we got married in a small ceremony in Waikiki, only my mom, my aunt and an uncle, his best friend and his sister came. Everything was very fast. After my family left I found myself in completely sadness. I tried so hard to see it in a positive way. We went to Immigration service and they asked 1500 dollars to start the process (I knew we had the money) then my new husbandtold me that he used the money to pay some debts that he didn't expect. I was very angry becausehe didn't tell me that and he didn't let me to work "under the table". His solution was "wait until I collectthe money again".

I lived5 months in Waikiki, more than 2 months in depression, I knew I did a big mistake, I cried many times, I knew this wasn't like I expected, I thought I ruinedmy life. My husband tried his best to make me "happy". The last weeks there I cleared my mind, I tried to be positive, "it's better for the moment to come back to Mexico because the period of time that I can stayed in USA got over(6 months)". He didn't collected the money for the process.

When I got back to Mexico everything changed. I wanted to stay longer, I was looking for jobs without success, after two months of thinking If I should leave him or not, my family told me that I should come back to USA because "now I'm married and my place is with him."

My husband moved to Utah because he gotanother job, he claimed to have the money forthe immigration process, "you should come back, you will be happier here, the rent is cheaperand everything will be better, you will get a job, and you will get more money than in Mexico".

I feltpressurebecause my family and my husband's opinions. I came back to USA.

I've been here in Utah for one month and a half, and nothing is better, my husband told me the same excuse that he used the money for his debts. He lied to me, and he told me he didn't expect that. I realizedthat living with him in Utah or in Hawaii or any place won'tmake me happy. I feel angry with myself, I feel that I'm pretending to be happy with a person I thought I loved. I can't hold his financial problems.Imissedmanyopportunities I could have in Mexico.I graduated with the best greats and I would beprobably better in Mexico, may be studying aMaster degree or working.

I don't like USA, I don't care about being an American citizen, I just think I'm so stupid for betrayed myself and my personal dreams for this. I'm a stupid housewife lying to myself every time. I'm not happy at all, I think I've been wasting my time, I feel I'm not me anymore, I feel I'm so far of myself.I don't know what to do. Every time I told my husband I want to come back to Mexico he starts to cry and make me feel a horrible person. Ihave no help from anyone, I don't know anyone here, I can't go with my family because they will think I'm crazy. I want to go back in the past, I don't want this life. Should I continue this life even when I'm not happy?, Should Iget a divorce?, Should I leave him and find myself?. Please help me, someone with similar situation?