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YukiCross423
248 M Embraced 2
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceJune 20, 2015
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I Don't Want To Break His Heart...
Relationship Stress / by YukiCross423
Last post
 July 4th, 2015
...See more Me and my boyfriend have been together a few months shy of 2 years. He's amazing!!! And perfect! He works hard, he takes me shopping, he buys me dinner, he gives me back massages nearly every night, hes funny, he listens, hes handsome, hes amazing in every way! We had a very difficult beginning to our relationship though. We both had drinking problems. I was trying to recover from a sex addiction. It was very hard, and I was always trying to run off. Ive never liked relationships. But he was always there, no matter what. He stopped drinking, he worked through his anger issues. He completely changed. But I was still struggling. A few months into our relationship I cheated on him with a co-worker. It was partially because we had a fight, and partially because of my own insecurities. It should have ended our relationship, but he chose to stay and work it out. Breaking up has never been an option to him. Hes completely in love with me. I try, God knows I try so hard to feel the same. But I just can't....I love him, but I'm not ready for a relationship this serious. I don't know if I ever will be. And it makes me feel so cold-hearted. SSome people spend their entire lives looking for what I'm about to throw away....I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but my plans for the future don't have a committed relationship in them...what should I do?
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It's Been Two Years ***Trigger Warning***
Trauma Support / by YukiCross423
Last post
 July 2nd, 2015
...See more Tomorrow will be the 2 year anniversary of when I was raped. In all honesty, it hasn't gotten any easier. I spent the first year partially in denial. Drinking heavily, cutting myself, partying hard, and having lots of unprotected sex. I did anything I could to block it out. The only people that knew were my boyfriend, sister and very close friends. Everybody in my circle of friends knew the girl who raped me. But for my sake, and their own morality, they dropped her when they learned about what happened. But that all changed. Last Spring (2014), my boyfriend was hanging out at the local coffee shop. He saw Tessa there. Tessa had been my best friend for over 3 years. But Tessa was hanging out with the girl who had raped me. Keep in mind, Tessa was the first person I told about the rape... I texted Tessa with these exact words, "Umm really?" And she went insane and started flipping out on me. She said she felt like it wasn't right for me to judge the girl for a "mistake." She actually classified rape as only a mistake. When I asked her why she was hanging out with her, she denied it and said that she only said hello. So I asked her, "Why would you even say hello to somebody that did that to me?" Her response to that was, "Because I'm not a bitch like you." So that was the end of mine and Tessa'sfriendship. It should have been the end of that whole ssituation. But Tessa started telling EVERYBODY about my rape. She was lying about it, saying that I was making it up. That I "wanted to be raped." That I was trying to just get attention. The list goes on...in a small town, news travels fast. Rumors started that i was on drugs (I'm still trying to shake that one). People were saying I was mentally ill. Tessa had even spread the lies to my old manager! I had to fu***** tell my manager that I was raped!!!! Her lies and rumors forced me to have to talk about an event I wasn't ready to talk about. It should have been a private situation, and because of Tessa, half of my work knew. So here I am, two years later. Still dealing with the stuff that Tessa started, all while trying to heal from being raped. And maybe it would help if I knew the girl who raped me was rotting away in jail. But shes not. Shes still walking the streets. I still see her all the time. And sometimes its all more than I can bear... edited by dancingRainbow45 This post is being moved to Traumatic Experiences and a name has been omitted to comply with community guidelines and a trigger warning added. Thanks 07/05/2017
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