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Zazaq
112 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 8, 2020
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Intrusive thoughts
Anxiety Support / by Zazaq
Last post
 May 30th, 2020
...See more I've always had trouble with intrusive thought but I feel like maybe their getting worse lately. Like, I worked in a call center which entailed getting cursed out regularly, and sometimes its even much more minor things that just really rubbed me the wrong way, I just find myself repeating the conversations/insults in my head for no damn reason. Its usually when I'm trying to relax or irritated about something else and in the same head space I was when I got the insult or whatever. Wonder if anyone has any tips dealing with that? It feels like a differnt thing but I also have thoughts about really intense pain sometimes. Like imagining what it would feel like if some of my skin got peeled off, or got cut in certain very sensitive places. I'm shaken just typing it out like this, though I can usually put a lid on those thougts fairly easily. The only reason I'm really worried about them is the other night I caught myself immagining in really vivid detail cutting myself, on the top of my arm oddly enough, and in a way it was fun. Like always when I have intrusive thoughts about pain my breathing and heart sped up and my brain kind of went panic mode, but instead of trying to cap it immediately I let it go on a few seconds, continuing to imagine it. It was exciting, but more I think it was the feeling of rapidly calming/coming down immediately afterwards that I really liked. I haven't done it again since and I realize its probably not a healthy thing to do, honestly I'm not even sure why I'm typing this out. Maybe out of dim hope that someone will tell me its a perfectly acceptable way to face my fears, I think that's how I got the idea to try it in the first place. Anyways if it helps I'm already on prozac, plus some daily anti-acid drug for GERD. Appreciate any help you all can offer.
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Fear for the future makes it hard to work now.
Anxiety Support / by Zazaq
Last post
 January 9th, 2020
...See more I worry very much about the future of my country, enough so that I've made a bug out bag and have a rough plan for fleeing it. I also worry for the future of this planet, how we could be looking at mass extinction or at least mass migration in a matter of decades, and I worry about the possibility of global war breaking out, as it looks like a small but real possibility in the near future. Worrying about all this gave me some kind of panic/anxiety attack yesterday, not unlike ones I've had in the past save that it lasted for hours and none of my usual coping methods got me straight. What's worse it happened at work, which made me very unproductive for a couple hours before I eventually just went home instead of stealing company time. This worry feeds on myself, I worry it'll happen again at work as my job in itself is quite stressful. Obviously if this becomes frequent at work I'll lose my job, which wouldn't be the end of the world except I'm sure I'd feel like even more of a failure then I do now for not being able to keep things together. Like, all I do, practically my only real stressor in life, is a 9-5 job, in a very well off country, I know objectively 80% of the people on this planet have it so much worse then me yet here I am burning out on just this. I know objectively most of my worries aren't worth obsessing over, I also know this sort of illness runs in my family. I actually just saw a doctor today and he gave me some happy pills, but they're supposed to take weeks before they really kick in. Though I do have a second bottle of pills to take if I feel another attack coming on, and that in itself, knowing I have them, is an enourmous comfort.
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