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adaptablePear2000
398 M Embraced 3
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts32 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 21, 2024
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i suspect that im autistic. please share ur experiences with me as id like to learn more about it and how u deal with it and thank u.
Autism Support / by adaptablePear2000
Last post
 July 18th, 2024
...See more i have suspected that i’m autistic for a while and i will try to get tested once i’m done with exams. its really tiring how i’m constantly anxious and have very low energy levels especially having to go to uni. my energy is high at the start of the school year bc in the summer holiday i literally disappear i dont talk to anyone and i only go out to the gym and i stay at home most of the time i dont text anyone and social media is so overwhelming that i just delete all apps and buy books and read them. i had a phase where i didnt talk to ANYONE for a year and a half until i was forced to go back to school by my family but that time was the best time of my life my energy wasnt drained everyday with social interactions and i felt at peace and i was studying at home and i never experienced burn out, it was the best academic year i have had in my whole life. some people thought i was depressed and tried to force me to “talk about it” and no one believed that i actually preferred not talking to anyone or going out until they gave up trying and i thought id feel the loss of these people cuz they genuinely cared but i didnt i dont care if i lose all my friends but since starting uni i had to force myself to make friends cuz i dont want to seem awkward and alone but if i had it my way id rather be alone cuz people are too stimulating and exhausting to deal with. i wish i could live alone and not depend on my parents or anyone and live somewhere where no one knows me so i can stop pretending and actually start enjoying being alone outside without fear of judgement. suspecting i’m autistic made so much sense especially with my issues with my mother and how she complains about me asking for too many details and not just “getting it” or doing things how everyone would do them or how i ask her for step by step instructions for when she asks me to do something, she also says i’m selfish and only love myself because i cant tell when she “looks” sad or mad or whatever but i just dont know how to read people, if you dont tell me you’re sad i probably wont know, now all of my family says i’m emotionless and selfish cuz i cant connect with them on an emotional level. she also says i can never pick the right time to talk about something important but i dont get it because to me if youre gonna talk to me about something important i put my feelings and everything aside and can function non emotionally and logically so how is she not the same? she says i say inappropriate things sometimes or talk in a disrespectful manner but in my head i’m speaking normally and professionally. i also have phases of not being able to feel anything and feeling empty not sad or anything but kind of like a robot and these are my favourite times cuz i can study and do the things i have to do and detach from people and the way they see me but these phases bother the people in my life. i mainly interact with people irl if i have to but other than that i dont call or text anyone which eventually makes people leave me and i dont understand why they dont get that i care about them but that doesnt have to mean talking to them constantly.
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