adaptableSummer7286 Member Profile

...See more I married my high school sweetheart out of high school at age 19. We have been married for 11 years. We have had a lot of up and downs in our marriage. She was the center of my world, but I never felt like I was the center of hers. Often felt rejected during the marriage or nothing I did was ever good enough. She is a stay at home mom and we have four kids. She often complained about how much I worked but it’s just the nature of my job. I love what I do and my career is very important to me. I have often regretted getting married so young. I think I started becoming unhappy in the marriage about 6 years ago and slowly stopped trying. I felt like I tried to a lot early in the relationship and she used to be the center of my world. I ended up burying myself in work. I eventually got to a point where I wanted out but was so conflicted because of the children. I also never saw myself ending up in a divorce. I started drinking frequently and had 3 affairs over the last year. I am now sober after completely rehab. In my mind, I want things to work but I don’t feel it in my heart. I have this internal conflict of holding on to the idea of making it work and not giving a ***. I don’t understand why I can’t make myself try and instead I just distance myself. I do care for her and want the best for her. I feel awful for hurting her. However, I wonder if I’m just at the point of no return and just completely checked out. I really want the best for her. I hate the thought of divorce because I had plans of building a life with her. It’s a very odd place to be in. We are starting marriage counseling this week. I’m wondering if my feelings can change toward her. How can I shift my mindset into really trying? I’ve been struggling with this for quite a while.

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