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adventurousFan8419
1 322 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceDecember 6, 2021
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Confronting an ex best friend
Relationship Stress / by adventurousFan8419
Last post
 July 4th, 2022
...See more My ex best friend and I have become distant over several months. I judged her for cheating on her ex boyfriend with a coworker. None of our mutual friends know. She went though a quarter life crisis and is now also anti corporate/ capitalist. when she confronted me about our distance she said she questioned whether I’d really be there for her if things got bad and that I’m no longer as fun and have changed (I’m now in a corporate job). I was sad that she felt that way and it felt especially manipulative for her to say that when she never reached out much to begin with and wouldn’t tell me what was going on in her life (except whenever she needed a favor). Since then, I’ve continued to keep my distance. The issue is we have a lot of mutual friends. Do you think I should sit her down and explain why the distance? Or just let it be? I worry she’s going to blow up our friend group.
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Feeling guilty in a friendship when friend is going through a rough time.
Relationship Stress / by adventurousFan8419
Last post
 January 25th, 2022
...See more In undergrad, I was part of a very close knit friend group. After graduation, I pursued different interests than most of my friends who went into consulting/finance. I really didn't like the industry and especially that I was working super long hours for a fraction of the pay so I went to graduate school. After graduating, I have been blessed with a significantly higher salary. One of my friends in that friend group has been having a rough time. They went through a brutal breakup, quit their job, and they are generally pretty "directionless" for the past couple of months preferring to be unemployed and live a couch surfing lifestyle. They also behaved in a way that I found really disappointing and didn't agree with (cheating on their SO with coworker without remorse, etc, etc). They get defensive when I ask about their next plans so I've stopped reaching out. Also, when we do chat, they tend to make a lot of passive aggressive comments about "corporate sheep" and that I can afford this and that because "I make so much money". It bothers me, I had to pay a lot in tuition and not earn money for several years to get to this point. They've also started to ask me for favors a lot more often. It made me really uncomfortable and I didn't like the judgmental comments so I started distancing myself. During this downward spiral, they slowly stopped reaching out, only once every couple of weeks. They'd show up to the city unannounced and ask to hang out the weekend of, etc, etc. I have a super stressful time consuming job so it also got annoying that I'd have to shift my weekend plans around last minute. Eventually, where it has really bothered me is when they called me recently crying asking whether "I was genuinely really there for them if anything "hit the fan" for them". I was appalled to hear that kind of commentary because to me, it felt toxic and manipulative. Immediately after that conversation, they asked if they could stay at my apartment for a couple of days while I was out of the city on holiday. Maybe I'm being a jerk, but part of me thinks that this was planned and they are trying to guilt trip me. Anyway my question is: am I being unreasonable? I do feel guilty because I do recognize that they are going through a rough time and so I do want to be helpful and supportive. However, at the same, I can't help but feel like I am walking on eggshells around them and I know that talking to them affects my mood and day. I want to protect my peace but I wonder if in this case, it's making me a bad friend.
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Jealous friend, different life paths? What do I do?
Relationship Stress / by adventurousFan8419
Last post
 December 7th, 2021
...See more In college, my roommate had it all together - amazing job, relationship, great moral compass etc. Meanwhile, I was trying to scrape by in a soul-crushing low-paying job, single, and was making lots of young 20-something dumb decisions. It's been a decade and our lives are completely different. I cleaned up my act, went back to school and am now thriving in the corporate world with a very supportive partner by my side. On the other hand, my friend quit their job and has been unemployed for months, broke up with her ex by cheating with a coworker, bad decisions, etc. I spoke up when things were happening with her coworker but it got shut down. She stopped sharing with me what was going on in her life. Now, I rarely hear from her (like weeks at a time) but when I do it's for a favor (mostly because I think she's broke). When we talk, there's always a gloss about how things are great. On the phone, she made passive aggressive comments about how the corporate world is for sheep and how I've changed and lost myself. Then she called me the other day, saying that I'm not being a good friend and she wondered if I'd be there for her when things go south. I promised that I would try harder though I don't know if I have the bandwidth to support this friend. My job is burning me out and I'm already leaning heavily on my family, closest friends and partner who are all incredibly supportive. When things were going well, she was a super supportive friend. What should I do? Is this friendship worth salvaging? Am I being a jerk? I wish we were best buddies again but I feel like her punching bag.
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