Jealous friend, different life paths? What do I do?
In college, my roommate had it all together - amazing job, relationship, great moral compass etc. Meanwhile, I was trying to scrape by in a soul-crushing low-paying job, single, and was making lots of young 20-something dumb decisions.
It's been a decade and our lives are completely different. I cleaned up my act, went back to school and am now thriving in the corporate world with a very supportive partner by my side. On the other hand, my friend quit their job and has been unemployed for months, broke up with her ex by cheating with a coworker, bad decisions, etc. I spoke up when things were happening with her coworker but it got shut down. She stopped sharing with me what was going on in her life.
Now, I rarely hear from her (like weeks at a time) but when I do it's for a favor (mostly because I think she's broke). When we talk, there's always a gloss about how things are great. On the phone, she made passive aggressive comments about how the corporate world is for sheep and how I've changed and lost myself. Then she called me the other day, saying that I'm not being a good friend and she wondered if I'd be there for her when things go south. I promised that I would try harder though I don't know if I have the bandwidth to support this friend. My job is burning me out and I'm already leaning heavily on my family, closest friends and partner who are all incredibly supportive.
When things were going well, she was a super supportive friend. What should I do? Is this friendship worth salvaging? Am I being a jerk? I wish we were best buddies again but I feel like her punching bag.
@adventurousFan8419
It sounds like your friend is going through a really difficult phase of her life. And while wanting to support her emotionally and be there for her is your natural instinct, there is a point when the relationship is too toxic to maintain.
Maybe you can talk to her about how she has been treating you and how you are at your limit mentally as well. Let her know that you care, but that you will not be a punching bag for anyone. That way, if she really values the relationship, maybe she will take a step back and re-evaluate her behavior. Her response will tell you a lot about how to proceed. You are doing your best to be a good friend, that is all we can do if the person won't recognize their role in the relationship.
@halcyonCloud2036 thanks for sharing. I'm a very nonconfrontational person but i agree that's a good idea. how do you ease into this tough conversations?
