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aether24
58 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceMarch 17, 2022
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I think my step father was grooming me
Trauma Support / by aether24
Last post
 April 1st, 2022
...See more Hi. So I’m nearly 19 and trying to come to terms with the fact that I think my step father was grooming me. I just felt so much shame at the fact that I felt like I was in love with him and it’s been nearly two years since I moved out and only now am I realizing he tried to make me fall in love with him on purpose. It was in the ways he looked at me after I got at of the shower and was just in a towel or the way he touched my ribs when I was worried I got injured. It’s just it was so subtle that I felt like it was coming from me but it felt so wrong and I couldn’t tell my mom about it because I felt like I was gross for thinking that way. And ever since my step father left us I’ve been having nightmares where I engage in sexual activity with my family members. It’s disturbing and just makes me feel disgusted with myself even though I know it’s not coming from me. And then I found out my mom thinks my grandfather might have touched me when I was a baby. A terrifying thing to think about. I just feel so gross and messed up and any kind of reassurance that it’s not my fault would be nice. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it. It’s also very hard since both my mom and my sister have been raped before and they both have a habit of comparing trauma and it just makes my feelings feel very invalidated. Since supposedly no one actually did anything to me but I still feel all sorts of messed up because of it.
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